


You Give Me Feelings I Adore

by arrowinthesky (restfulsky5)



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Christmas, Engagement, Established Relationship, Family, Fluff, Friendship, Holidays, Love, M/M, Post-Five Year Mission, Proposals, Romance, Space Wrapped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-09 15:12:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 30,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8896120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/restfulsky5/pseuds/arrowinthesky
Summary: Jim has a plan, her dad has no clue, and Joanna knows twice as much as they do. Starting with the fact that her dad and Jim are so in love that they can't make heads or tails of the wrapping paper and the tape dispenser Nana has on hand. They're too busy making eyes at each other. Unbelievable. They can run a ship together, but wrapping gifts? That's another story.Still, Joanna will always say it was a good thing she'd stepped up to help them. And, with a shared affection in their eyes, they will always agree.   Loosely based on my WIP, And if I Stand Next to You. However, it's not necessary to be reading that to understand this story.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DiamondBlue4](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiamondBlue4/gifts), [junker5](https://archiveofourown.org/users/junker5/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my story for the space-wrapped challenge, posted a little early, since I got the go-ahead to do so. :) Believe it or not, this story is at least 95% fluff. It's also "very" loosely based on my WIP, And if I Stand Next to You, but you don't have to be reading that to make sense of this, I promise. I'm classifying this as a stand alone fic. 
> 
> However, if you "are" reading AIISNTY, this story (a very unofficial sequel since AIIS isn't even finished yet) won't spoil much for you. Nothing new is revealed except for what you might have already guessed will happen. ;)
> 
> My sweet friends, DiamondBlue4 and Junker5, this story is for you because I know the love you both hold for these characters. And, what else can I say, except thank you for your friendship. I treasure it. You are both so dear to my heart. <3 
> 
> A few notes. I'd planned on this being 5k, but the story had a mind of its own and more than tripled its word count. :D I've split it into two parts to make it a little more manageable. This story takes place after the five-year mission, but before they head out again for another five-year mission. FYI, STID happened, so did Yorktown. Jim and Bones are already in an established relationship, as are Spock and Nyota. Joanna is twelve. Jocelyn is married. Jim is in Georgia, and Bones is in San Francisco, finishing up a semester of teaching. 
> 
> The rating might go up once Part Two is posted. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story. :)

...ooOoo...

 

You Give Me Feelings I Adore

 

Chapter One

 

...ooOoo...

 

 

_Bones would probably like this one, though it’s a little flashy with a dozen diamonds along the band. And maybe a little steep. I can afford it, but he would have a fit over the price. But it has chara—_

Nyota flips around suddenly and narrows her gaze upon Jim. “When are you going to pop the question? You didn’t say.”

He’s startled out of his thoughts at warp speed. Her eyes are intensely bright, as if still reflecting the light from the rings she’s been studying in the glass case.

Pausing to stare down at the band he’s been eyeing for the past thirty minutes, Jim shrugs. “Not sure.”

He’s been waiting this entire trip for her to finally bring it up. In fact, he's surprised that Uhura has waited this long. Not that he knows the answer to her question. Not even after five point three years of being hopelessly in love and desperately wanting to ask Bones for his hand in marriage. He doesn’t. Or, he _mostly_ doesn’t.

Great. Now he sounds like a particular lovelorn Vulcan who’s in the same dilemma that he’s in. Just...with Uhura. Not Bones. Definitely not. God, no. Though the two were friends, they still couldn't be in a room without bickering about something. Mostly about Jim. Bones would kill him for just thinking of the possibility. Possibly throw him out of an airlock for good, this ti—

That’s just great. Not only can’t he speak about proposing without fumbling over his words, he can’t think about it, either, going as far as making grossly exaggerated predictions of his death.

He taps his fingers on the glass, staring down at the one he wants to buy. It’s classic, but edgy. At least that’s what the clerk had said to him five minutes ago. He thinks he knows what ‘classic but edgy’ means, because it makes him think of how Bones dresses when they’re on shore leave, complete with that sexy leather jacket he'd found at Yorktown. Or, better yet, on a date. Most definitely when it’s his—Jim’s—birthday. Bones dresses like that, a man who saunters like he’s walking straight off the holocovers, complete with the spiked, slightly mussed hair. Jim might have swooned the first time Bones had sculpted his hair.

Not that he actually swoons. Captains don’t swoon.

Hell, maybe he does.

He must. Why else would he be standing here, deliberating over an engagement ring like it’s the purchase of a lifetime? On second thought, it is the purchase of a lifetime. He wants no one else. Bones is it.

“As soon as he gets to Georgia?” Uhura asks, pulling him out of his thoughts once more. “Or, wait. I got it. You’re not answering me because you’ve already asked him, haven't you? I knew it!” She flits to the other side of the counter, ignoring the fact that it’s for employees only, the glare on Mr. Employee-of-the-month’s face, to get a better look at the same ring Jim has been staring at. “Scotty owes me a hundred credits.”

He clears his throat. He hates to dash Uhura’s hopes of winning, but he’s not going to lie about this. “No, I haven’t asked him. Who said I’m going to ask at all?” he says, trying to look casual as he whips his head around to see if anyone heard her.

Not that it’s a secret, at least it isn’t to those closest to him other than Bones, of course. Uhura found out before he’d even told her, so she says. Because of her, Spock learned of his plan by default. Scotty had then weaseled it out of him. Of course. Sulu hadn’t wanted to be left behind and had clapped him on the back more than once over the past few weeks. Christine had given him the names of three jewelers in Georgia before they’d parted ways at the end of the five-year mission.

He’d realized long ago that he’s an open book when it comes to Bones. He wore his feelings on his sleeve even before the cat was out of the bag, his small circle of closest friends missing nothing. He wonders if Uhura had seen the photos on his PADD that fateful day, before he’d darkened the screen.

He has been scatterbrained lately. Hopefully, he hadn’t left it out when Bones had come back onto the bridge, to check on him after the mission to Trilla III. They’d been shorthanded, and he’d had to sit in the captain’s chair with a newly mended leg for five hours. There had been only so much he’d been cleared to do that day. Browsing holos had been...logical.

Dammit. If Bones hasn’t already figured it out, it’ll be a damn miracle.

However, he’d be remiss if he didn’t acknowledge that he was a little afraid of this next step. They both had successfully navigated far past their insecurities. Yet, a small part of him worries that he will be the one to fuck this up.

He pulls his hand away from the counter and wipes his sweaty palms on his thighs like he’s a teenager about to ask someone on a first date. Or first dance, complete with acne covering his face and the bad hair. (He knows for a fact that Bones had a clear complexion and awesome hair as a teenager, unlike him.) And thank God he never knew Bones when he was a teen. Not that knowing Bones as a teen would have been bad. _Jim_ would have been the problem. He’d been a loose cannon back then. Always in trouble. More than he’d been when he’d first met Bones. Bones had put up with a lot of shit from him over the years. No matter how much he loves Bones, he believes it had been a good thing that they hadn’t met any sooner than that day on the shuttle. He’s not sure Bones would’ve put up with him for as long as he had.

He’s not sure he wouldn’t have run the opposite way at some point, leaving Bones vulnerable and hurt.

At least Bones isn’t here to witness how damn twitchy he actually is about the whole thing, wondering why he’s visited downtown Atlanta every day this past week. Why he’s staying up so late staring at holos of rings on his PADD. Indulging himself by making simulations of those rings on Bones’s legendary hands. Why he has to meet with Uhura. _Alone. Again._

Jim beat him to his mother’s house for good reason. Bones is in San Francisco, and will be until the end of the semester, when the first half of his teaching stint during the layover ends. Which is tomorrow. Three days before Christmas.

This is the last day he has to make up his mind. The last day. He’s simply run out of time.

Uhura delicately swipes her finger across the top of the glass counter. She lifts her eyes to meet his gaze. “Oh, so we’re here to look at rings for your boyfriend, which you've been dying to do ever since you started dating five years ago, for kicks?”

“I didn’t know what I wanted then,” he argues.

He really hadn’t. Not really. He’d known he wanted to be with Bones forever, but attaching a label to it? When anyone else he’s ever known having failed at those labels?

It scared the freaking hell out of him.

He nearly shivers. Her quirked brow is too much like Spock’s, and about a hundred percent more smug.

“You know you did, even then, Jim. So, will it be on Christmas Eve? Christmas Day?” Uhura pauses, then looks at him disapprovingly. “Don’t tell me you’re going to let this burn a hole in your pocket until New Year’s?”

“God, no,” he breathed shakily.

“Breathe, Kirk,” she says, clutching his hand, which was braced against the counter again.

“I can't,” he wheezes.

“We can't have that,” she says softly.

He swallows. “God, Ny. My throat is all tingly. My stomach is a little...queasy. And I...I think—”

“You know you can just order this over the comm, Captain,” she interjects in a whisper.

His shoulders tense as if it’s a shout from across the room, everyone hearing it.

He can’t speak. Of course he knows it he can order it. It’s just...he wants everything to be perfect.

“I have a paper bag if you need one, Captain,” Mr. Employee-of-the-month says brightly, coming up to Uhura’s side of the glass.

“I look that bad?” he mutters under his breath.

Uhura smiles, squeezes his hand. He’s comforted, and wonders, not for the first time, if she could sign up as his officially adopted sister. Who knew that they’d ever become each other’s confidant all those years ago? “You're thinking too hard about it.”

“What if he says no?” he asks.

“What if you’re an idiot?” she asks without missing a beat.

His shoulders slump. “Yeah. That was a stupid question.”

He blinks. Or was it?

She looks at him narrowly again. “Don’t even think it, Kirk,” she demands in her best communication officer’s voice. “I know you’ve found it.”

“It?”

“The ring,” she murmurs in a low voice. “I think it’s a good choice.”

“It’s…” he wrinkles his nose, contemplating the sticker shock he might have later on.

“Don’t say it,” she says under her breath. “Whatever it costs, it’s worth it.”

“You’re right I’ll take it,” he says in one breath. “Now,” he adds, glancing up at employee-of-the-month.

“You made a good choice, Captain Kirk. It’s perfect, and one of a kind,” the man says, no doubt considering the commission he’d earn from selling the most expensive ring in the store.

He paces as the man boxes it up, complete with a black velvet drawstring bag. Everything is so tiny. There’s no guessing _incorrectly_ what’s in the bag, what’s in the very small, very square box. When he’s done, Jim is there at the register, practically dancing on the balls of his feet. He’s almost forgotten he’s supposed to take Jojo to her favorite burger joint for lunch. With any luck, he can convince Spock to come, too.

“There’s just one thing,” he says absently, as he hands over the credits, leaving a huge dent in his account.

“You’re not getting cold feet so soon, are you?” Uhura’s voice washes over him in gentle admonishment.

He glances sideways at her, gives her a tight smile. Little does she know that when he tried to wrap Bones’s gifts last year, his fingers got caught up in the string and he’d nearly taken off the tip of his pinky finger. “How the hell am I going to disguise a box as small as that one?”

 

oOo

 

The bay window and its accompanying window seat are decorated like a Christmas music box—just the way Joanna likes it.

She lies on her stomach, resting her chin on her hands as she stares outside, watching the holographic snow fall around her. The evergreen tree beside her shakes in the wind. She feels none of it. Not the bite of the air, not one cold snowflake brushing her skin. Yet, the image is alive in her mind. She shivers, but there is no snow falling in Atlanta, as badly as she wants there to be. She can’t wait to visit Uncle Jim’s family in Iowa on New Year’s Eve, when everything will be covered with snow.

A distant cousin to Uncle Jim named Kirsten, along with Uncle Jim’s brother, George Samuel, had moved back to Iowa last year, shocking Uncle Jim. Kirsten was married to a woman named T’Per, who was half-Vulcan. They had no children but they did have two dogs. “Sam” had a wife and three children, all of whom had taken a liking to him. Daddy had said that Uncle Jim, for the first time ever, had actually smiled when mentioning his family. Still, Uncle Jim was determined to spend Christmas—all of it—in Georgia. He had told her in secret that he didn’t want to miss out on what Santa had left him here. She'd rolled her eyes at him—she was twelve not two—but had played along. She knew for a fact he is here because Dad wants to be with his family in Georgia, and since Dad follows him into space, Uncle Jim returns the favor while on Earth. They don’t know that she knows this to be true, but she does. She’s always known.

“Oh, baby Emmy,” Jocelyn croons behind her.

The black and white, vertically striped curtains fall in softly gathered swoops in front of the window seat, hiding Joanna from view from the others. But she looks back from the window, anyway, when she hears her mother and the small cries of her baby sister, Emelynne. Through an opening in the curtains, she sees Emmy smile at their mom, sees her mother pick her up in her arms and press her gently against her chest to rub her back.

Warmth spreads through Joanna’s chest at the sight. She is twelve years older than her sister, responsible enough to help her mother take care of the new baby. She takes pride in the fact that she feels no jealousy for the attention Emelynne receives, nor at her arrival this past summer. Only happiness.

One time, years ago, her mother had been unhappy. And so had Joanna. And Daddy, perhaps even more miserable. He’d told her later, on her twelfth birthday, more of the truth and why that had changed once Mommy got to know Daddy Matthew, and accepted that Daddy loved Uncle Jim.

The new baby makes her mother even happier than she had been. It makes them all happier. Because of this, Joanna believes Emelynne had come into this world to bring them together as an even bigger family.

Even Daddy and Uncle Jim adore her.

“Jojo?”

Without disturbing the curtains, she sits up and folds her legs Indian style, waiting for her dad to find her. Not that it would be hard. She spent all her spare time here, even though it wasn’t always the most private place to be. But it was the most beautiful.

“Sweetheart?” her father whispers from behind the curtain. “Are you there, Darlin’?”

It makes her think of their favorite past-time, hide-n-go-seek. She giggles, though she’s “twelve not two.”

He hums in his throat, and parts the curtain. She gazes at him, so happy that he is here for Christmas, the first one in five years, she can hardly stand it.

Her father smiles, the crow’s feet deepening around his eyes, but he still looks young to her. She thinks it’s because Jim is by his side and that makes him seem young, though he’s always grumbling about being an old man. It’s true that he’s older than Mom, and also Daddy Matthew, but he loves someone who sometimes _thinks_ he’s a kid.

Uncle Jim still has that charm, even to Joanna.

“I’m so happy you’re here a day early, Daddy,” she said, pulling her knees up to her chest.

She wraps her arms around them, thought it’s a bit awkward, her arms long and thin and her legs even longer. Nana says she shooting up like a weed. She had passed her Mama up in height this past summer. Joanna’s not so sure she will grow more, but she wouldn’t mind if she did. Nathan at school is taller than her, and it seems as if he likes tall girls better.

“Me too, Baby.” He kisses her forehead.

She leans into it, closing her eyes. “Uncle Jim will be so surprised.”

Her father sits on the edge of the window seat, beside her. “Just remember, when he gets here, don’t say a word.”

“I won’t,” she promises, looking up at him. “I can’t believe you tricked him.”

“Well, seemed like a good idea at the time, just to get the upper hand for once,” he drawls.

She gazes at him sympathetically. Uncle Jim had a way of being the best at mostly everything.

Her father sighs. “Not much gets past him, though. I’m surprised he believed me. He knows the Academy’s schedule like the back of his hand.”

It was unusual. “Maybe he’s distracted by something.”

Her father frowns. “Could be, but I don’t know what it would be.”

“Well, is he really a genius?” she questions, and not for the first time. The thought has always fascinated her.

Her father pauses, seems to ponder the question longer than usual. “He is,” he says faintly. “Why do you ask, Jojo?”

“Because he must be so enamored with you,” she embellishes in an English accent that rivals that of professional actors, “to fall for your trickery, kind sir.”

Her dad’s eyes crinkle more as he shakes his head and chuckles. “You and your acting. I’m impressed. Your mother did the best thing, signing you up for that school.”

She beams at him, her excitement bubbling over. “I’ll go at the beginning of summer!”

She couldn’t wait, though she’ll miss Nana, and everyone.

“You won’t forget about your old man, will you, once you’re famous?” he says softly, startling her with the hesitation in his voice.

She’s pleased he believes in her so much and propels her body forward to hug him tightly around his chest. She leans her head on his shoulder. “Not for anything.”

A sigh rumbles through him. She sinks into his embrace.

“I love you, Jojo,” he murmurs into her hair.

“I love you, too, Daddy.”

She pulls away after a moment, realizing her mother had left the room with Emmy, most likely to put her down for a nap before Daddy Matthew comes home.

Her father frowns, turns his head towards the window. “Do you see him yet?” He peers outside, the shadows of the snow sliding down his body.

“He’s coming,” she assures him. “He promised.”

Sure enough, a few seconds later, a hover craft pulls up the driveway. Uncle Jim steps out, then, as Joanna takes a sharp breath, she sees Nyota and Mr. Spock in another craft. “They came!” she squeals, brushing past her father to race to the door.

“Wait, Jojo!” he calls after her. “Why are Nyota and Spock here? Wasn’t it just going to be Jim here for the holidays?”

She is almost there when the doorbell rings.

“Nope,” she tosses hurriedly over her shoulder.

“Well, why—”

“Don’t know, Daddy,” she says, then opens the door. She’d just seen Uncle Jim yesterday, but he’s everything to her, because he makes her dad happy. She rushes forward and hugs him as tightly as she’d just hugged her dad.

“Oof,” Uncle Jim says, stumbling back a little from the force.

“Sorry,” she whispers, feeling very childlike as she soaks in the knowledge that he would only be here for another six months before heading off “into the black” again.

“Jojo, my girl,” he murmurs, stroking her head. “What did we decide about this?”

It’s a gentle admonishment, and she knows he’s right. She needs to be strong for her dad, also for her mom and Daddy Matthew. And even for Emmy.

But she can’t let go. Not yet. She squeezes harder, remembering hugging him just as tightly before he’d left for the black five years ago.

“Okay,” Jim says quietly. “How about, once we get to this burger joint you love so much, you just hang with me, okay?”

“Hey, now,” her father protests from behind her. “I didn’t get here early for nothin’.”

Jim’s arms loosen around her. “Bones?”

Jojo steps out of his embrace, wanting to see his expression. She’s amused that Jim’s so confused—and her Dad so smug.

She decides she wants to see this expression on their faces again.

“The one and only,” her dad says, arching a brow.

Jim blinks, but just stands there.

“I couldn’t stay away,” her dad says, fondness in his voice, and even more affection in his eyes.

“But...but…” Jim finally sputters.

The brow practically flies to the moon. “You don’t want to see me a day early?”

“No, it’s not that...I just...I...” Jim licks his lip, a nervous habit that is familiar to her. “Wow.”

She narrows her eyes at him. Why would he be nervous?

Her dad steps forward, eyes him up and down as if he’s concerned for his physical state. “Are you alright?”

“I...”

Her dad frowns. “Should I come back tomorrow, like planned?”

Jim blinks several times, and appears to bring himself out of his shock. “No,” he quickly says, taking his hand. “Of course not. You just surprised me, and I had thought I’d have more time...I mean...I...brought Uhura and Spock along this time.”

“Why?” Joanna asks, unable to help herself. “Where’d ya go?”

Jim blinks again, his eyes widening. “What?”

“I said, where did you-—”

“Uh, nowhere,” Jim says, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “No place in particular.”

“Right,” she says doubtfully. “You’re dressed up real nice, just for the heck of it?”

Her dad makes a noncommittal sound in his throat. She's smug, because he hasn't missed Jim’s dressier clothing—the darker jeans and buttoned-up shirt—either.

Jim screws his eyes shut, blowing out a long breath. “Okay, yes, we went somewhere but—”

“Where?” she asks again before he can make more excuses, because she sees that he’s antsy about it. And her dad, well, he's suddenly curious, too.

“Uh…” Jim swallows. “Just...out?”

“You don’t sound so sure.”

He coughs. “Let’s talk about this later.”

She draws a breath. She can be stubborn, too. “But, why are Nyota and—”

Her dad’s hands fall on her shoulders. “Jojo, I think I know what the problem is.”

“You do?”

“You do?” Jim asks at the same time.

She has to look twice at Jim’s face when it grows strangely...pale.

“Mmhmm,” her dad says. “It’s that time of year when all of us keep...secrets.”

“Right.” Jim’s sighs, as if in relief. Color starts returning to his face.

“Oh,” she says, disappointed that it wasn’t a more tantalizing answer. Of course everyone has secrets.

“And it’s the time of year that we have to respect one another for having them,” her dad finishes, giving her a look.

She sighs heavily. She knows exactly what he’s telling her to do. “Sorry, Uncle Jim.”

He smiles at her. “Not a problem, kiddo. Sorry I was a bit sensitive. It’s been a long day.”

“It’s only halfway done,” her dad says, scowling. “I thought you were on leave. That I’d made it clear that you _should_ be.”

Jim shrugs, seemingly unaffected by the harsh look on his boyfriend’s face. “Had to wake up early to talk to the Admiralty about a situation, and that ended up taking my whole morning.”

“Can’t they leave you alone for one damn minute?” her father grumbles, but he leans forward and presses a gentle, chaste kiss on Jim’s lips.

His hand wraps around Jim’s waist and he pulls the other man towards him. Jim leans willingly against him, a peaceful look on his face. A far cry from the anxious expression he’d just had—or either of them had. She cocks her head, relieved that her Uncle Jim did look more like himself. But that always happens when her father’s around. She wonders how in the world they’d do without each other for a longer period of time, if this handful of days apart had caused such stress.

She decides...not very well.

In fact, probably worse than her mother and Daddy Matthew had fared, when they had been newly engage—

“You coming, Jojo?” Jim calls out, heading out the door hand-in-hand with her dad. “When we come back, maybe you can give me a hand.”

“With what?”

“Secrets,” he whispers conspiratorially over his shoulder.

She sucks in a breath, memorizes the twinkle in his eyes, and gazes at the two most wonderful men in her life, who are walking towards the hovercraft.

“I’m right behind you,” she says cheerily, and passes them to get to the front seat first.

 

oOo

 

“Time for our brownie a la mode, Jojo, with snowmen and snowflake sprinkles,” Jim says, pushing his empty plate aside. He slaps his hand on the table and stands. “And maybe an extra ice cream scoop or two. Anyone else?”

“After two of those mammoth-sized burgers?” Leonard asks, just to raise his heckles. “I don’t think so.”

“It’s Christmas, Len,” Uhura counters softly, before Jim could object, first.

As if she doesn’t know Captain Sweet Tooth. Give him an inch, he takes a mile.

He snorts. “Exactly. We have weeks of sugar plums lined up,” he exaggerates. It might as well be true. He’s had to watch Jim and his sweet intake a lot lately, with no thanks to the anomaly called space.

“But it’s Christmas, Dad,” Jojo's says, eyes wide and innocent.

“Yeah, Dad, it’s Christmas,” Jim echoes, smirking.

“Infant,” he mutters. “It’s no fair when it’s three against one.”

“Please?”

“One scoop, Jim,” he says decisively.

“Three,” Jim shoots back.

“Two, and if you argue with me I’ll make it zero.”

Jim huffs. “Fine. Two scoops, by order of Doctor Leonard.”

He shakes his head. He never knows what to think about that nickname, the one Jim uses when he’s irritated with him but also pleased that he’s watching out for him.

Jojo looks at him. “Want any, Dad?”

“No, I’ll just watch you two kids enjoy your treats.”

“I’ll make sure Uncle Jim listens to you, Daddy,” Jojo adds.

“Hey,” Jim protests, hands on his hips. “Thought you were on my side.”

She smirks, and slips from her seat to link arms with him. “Sorry Uncle Jim, but your health is important,” she admonishes brightly.

Jim blinks. “The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I see.”

He chuckles. “That’s my girl.”

He watches them approach the counter to order before turning to Uhura and Spock. “Are you sure you can’t stay through Christmas? Join us for the Festival of Lights? Maybe come with us to the Model Starship show that Jim wants to attend? I know it would mean a lot to him.”

Uhura exchanges a glance with Spock. “Not with our other commitments.”

“We are able to stay through this evening,” Spock adds. “If you are amenable to the idea. We do not wish to intrude.”

He’s relieved. Maybe their presence will take Jim’s mind off whatever was bothering him. “We’ll take all the time we can. I think Jim needs the company. He’s been a little off since I arrived. I can’t put my finger on it.”

“I, too, have noticed,” Spock affirms.

Leonard swears there’s a glimmer of something in his eyes, but it’s gone in a blink.

“Well, at least he can have some fun, with you two around,” he mutters.

“Is it not your company that he seeks?” Spock asks. “And Joanna's?”

“It is,” he says hesitantly. He’s just not sure his company can ease whatever is bothering Jim.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine.” Uhura reaches over and squeezes his hand with sisterly affection. “All I know is that HQ isn’t getting off his back now that the five-year mission has ended.”

He sighs. “It was that mess with the handful of Klingons at the end, which was no fault of his. Unfortunately, the admiralty is not going to leave him alone anytime soon. We’ll have to make the best of it, I suppose. You’re not going to order?”

She smiles. “Of course I am. I only wanted to stay behind, to make sure you were okay.” She looks at him pointedly.

So does Spock. In fact, they both look as concerned for him as he is for Jim.

He wonders if they know. If Spock knows.

They’re close, but not that close. Not anymore. They—Spock, and Jim and he—had had to let the familial bond between them lie dormant towards the end of the five-year mission, in the best interest of Jim’s health.

So no. They couldn’t know.

He shakes the thought aside, his eyes drifting to where Jim stood, dressed in those ass-hugging jeans that look too good on him for him to wear them in public.

Uhura clears her throat.

The sound pulls his eyes from the prize. _His_ prize.

“Are you okay?” she asks again, her eyes gleaming for a split second, like Spock’s had.

He coughs, and if a blush rises to his cheeks, neither of them comment in it. His lips curve into an easy smile, and he drawls, “I’m just dandy.”

 

oOo

 

Joanna toys with the knife in the bowl of homemade red icing. They had opted to go to Nana’s house after lunch at the diner, where a knot has steadily grown in her stomach. The kitchen is quiet, and Nana flutters around the room, making sure everything is prepared for dinner tonight. Food is in the oven, clean silverware rests in a case, and napkins are refreshed and folded in a careful stack. The entire family will be here, except for her Aunt Donna. But Spock and Nyota’s arrival almost makes up for it. She doesn’t know her Aunt Donna, or remember her, but she wishes she did. She’ll arrive Christmas Eve, as a surprise for Daddy.

She sighs, and smears the icing on a cookie. Usually she enjoys icing cookies with her grandmother. Right now, however, she just wants to get answers. And sitting here, icing cookies, isn’t going to give her the answers to her questions.

“Are you going to play with the icing all day?” Nana asks, fixing a vase. “Or decorate the cookies so we can eat them later?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” Nana asks softly.

Joanna bites her lip and stares up at her grandmother. “Does my mom like Uncle Jim? Or does she just tolerate him for Daddy’s sake?”

Nana stills, then puts the case on the counter and walks over to her. “Now, why do you ask that?”

“Daddy told me some things that happened when I was little...and he says that Mom likes Uncle Jim now, but...do you really think she does?”

Her grandmother's eyes grow warm. “She does. And if you’re not sure, remember that she sends him a birthday holocard each year, without fail, and she also invited him to their house for the holidays.”

“But she could be doing that just because Daddy wants him here,” she argues.

“True,” Nana says, taking the seat across from her. “But, I’ve never thought for an instant that she dislikes him.”

“But she did. Once.” Saying that twists something unpleasant in Joanna’s stomach.

“Oh, my dear,” her grandmother says quietly. She leans forward and takes hold of her hand, squeezing it. “What has gotten you so upset? What is this really about?”

She shifts in her seat, wishing she’d never read the message from her friend, Erin, in the hovercraft on the way home. She’d known better, but Erin sounded so worried. “I can’t…”

“Joanna, you know you can tell me anything,” Nana presses kindly.

“I don’t know,” she admits. “It’s just, when my friend Erin talks about her divorced parents, they’re always fighting. And around Christmas it gets worse. What if Dad and Mom fight about Uncle Jim, now that Dad’s finally here? Or about Daddy Matthew?”

“Your parents worked out their differences a long time ago, and a holiday won’t change a thing,” Nana assures her. “If you don’t believe me, I’m sure you could ask them. They won’t mind. I know they’ve been open and honest with you, Joanna, especially since your birthday. They’ve both made a point to do so.”

She draws a breath. “But how would she feel if they got mar—”

“There you are, Joanna.”

Joanna startles. She glances up to see her mother entering the kitchen.

“Did you have a nice time, sweetie?” her mother asks.

“Yeah,” she says with a furrow to her brow. “Except, Uncle Jim and I wanted to have a brownie eating contest, but of course Daddy said it wouldn’t be the best idea.”

Her mother arches a delicate brow. “I’m sure she had both of your interests in mind.”

“He loves Uncle Jim very much, doesn’t he?” she asks, unable to keep quiet. She watches her mother, gauging her reaction.

Her mother gets a strange look on her face, and she exchanges a look with Nana. “I believe that he does,” she says slowly.

“Did he tell you that he does?” She begins icing her first cookie, a gingerbread man. She’ll eat it as soon as she ices it. It has a crack in the foot, but isn’t completely broken.

It seems to throw her mom off guard. She frowns. “He’s never mentioned it, no, but that information is private, sweetheart. Your...your dad is private.”

“I’m sure he does, too,” she announces, and places the cookie on the tray.

Maybe she’ll save it for her dad. He never seems to minds imperfections when it comes to sweets. In fact, she thinks he uses that as an excuse to eat them, because he’s less inclined to eat a perfect one. It reminds her of something Nana had said a long time ago, that as a child, he’d never walked by a stray or injured animal. He always had to stop. Same with people, too.

She can’t help but think that maybe—just maybe—her dad had done that with Uncle Jim. That he’d stopped in his tracks when he’d first met Uncle Jim, then to stay with him all these years, to make sure he was okay.

“What makes you ask?” her mother questions. She washes her hands at the kitchen sink, glancing over her shoulder at her, pinning her with a look.

She bites her bottom lip. It’s a little strange to be talking about this with her mom, but she has to know. “They’re always...gazing into each other’s eyes.” A year ago it would’ve grossed her out, but now it’s comforting. But only if her mom is okay with it, too.

Her mother nods. “That they do, but I’ll have you know that right now, your Uncle Jim is holding the baby and she’s stolen the show.”

“Will you help me with the cookies?” She hopes her mother says yes. She doesn’t seem to have much time with her alone anymore since Emmy was born.

“That’s why I came to find you,” she says, and eases into the chair between Joanna and Nana. “Nyota says she’ll help with baby while I’m gone.”

Nana smiles. “Bless her. Those boys are tripping over their feet, wanting to hold Emmy first. They need someone to keep them in line.”

Her mother wags her brows. “The Captain won the draw.”

“Is that so?” Nana muses, picking up a plain angel cookie. “I can’t say that I’m surprised.”

Neither could Joanna.

“That boy,” Nana continues. “He has quite the lucky streak.”

But her mother merely smirks. “However, the agreement was that it would also include a diaper change. And you know how Baby Emmy is these days.”

Joanna and Nana look at each other, then at Jocelyn. Joanna begins to giggle.

“Oh, Jim,” Nana chuckles.

 

oOo

 

“What do you think, Jojo?”

Jim stands in the bedroom that he shares with Leonard at Nora’s house, heart thrumming in anticipation. As soon as Jojo grows quiet, he regrets eating those two burgers and brownies and ice cream that afternoon. But what's done is done. Including the ring purchase. The large greasy meal. The mound of sweets and chocolate syrup. And the fact that he's just told his boyfriend’s daughter his plan for proposing to Bones on Christmas Day.

His stomach rolls. At least Nora’s house is well-equipped with baths ensuites in the bedrooms, because if his nausea continues, well…at least he could lock the door and deal with it himself. As long as Jocelyn and Matthew keep Bones busy, like he asked them to. With any luck, Bones is holding Baby Emmy and is lost in her aura of sheer cuteness and joy. She'd been especially happy since Jim had changed her, with help from a very patient Matthew. It had...been quite the experience, not that he wants to repeat it. He is, however, grateful that they’d trusted him enough to care for their child. That had been an honor.

He sighs as Joanna continues to stare at him, her eyes wide. He scratches the back of his neck, trying to read her expression. Was she upset? Was this too much, after getting a little sister and all?

This wouldn’t change much. Not really. It was just...formalities. Information on paper. Signatures.

Then why the hell does he feel like a screw up? What if Jojo doesn’t want him for a father? What if Bones doesn't want Jim for Jojo’s father, after all?

The thoughts tear his heart in two.

“Say something,” he pleads, holding his breath.

“Can I see it, Uncle Jim?”

Her request is sweetly spoken, but he can’t relinquish the ring for Bones. Not until he knows she’s okay with this.

“Captain,” Spock urges.

He comes to his senses, allows him to take the opened box from his hands and give it to Jojo.

Her lips curve into a smile as she looks down at the ring. It's sparkling and real in her hands. “I want one,” she says wistfully.

“Not until you’re at least thirty,” he says sternly, without thinking.

She wrinkles her nose. “You sound like Dad.”

“Well, _good_ ,” he says, pleased she thought so.

“Captain, I believe...he will wear it well.” Spock’s quiet voice calms him.

“Yeah?”

“Definitely,” Jojo agrees with a nod. “Nathan got a ring for his ex-girlfriend, for her birthday, but yours is much prettier, Uncle Jim. Dad will love it.”

“Thank you,” Jim’s heart squeezes with love, and with a little worry, that Jojo is growing up too fast. “Both of you.”

Jojo looks at the band again. “Will you get married before you leave?’

He’d be lying if he says he wasn’t sure, or didn’t want to rush things.

“It is logical,” Spock surmises.

“It'll be up to your dad, Jojo. You’re really okay with this?” Jim asks, hesitating. “I won’t….if you’re not sure, Jojo.”

She looks at him, like she’s going to give him a lecture. And she does. “I’ll hunt you down if you don’t ask him, Uncle Jim. Maybe he’s been waiting for a long time for you to ask. You’ll break his heart—mine too—if you don’t put this on his finger by Christmas. Besides, you know I’m no good at keeping secrets, Uncle Jim.”

He hadn’t expected that. He also knows she loves keeping secrets. It's why he's confident that Bones won't find out.

He breaks into a grin, consumed with love for her. “Well, that settles everything, then.”

“Indeed,” Spock says. “It appears that your decision is favorable—for us all.”

The faint smile growing on his first officer’s face is unexpected—but welcome.

And infectious.

Jim’s grin widens. So does Jojo’s.

“Does this mean I get to call you Dad, too?” she asks, clutching the box and ring to her chest.

“If he says yes,” Jim says, oddly choked up all of a sudden. “Yeah, Jojo. It does. But I want you to know, it doesn’t change a thing. Not really. You’ve been a daughter to me...all these years.”

Jojo’s eyes grow wet. “I’m so lucky. I’ll have three dads,” she whispers, and hugs him like before.

He wraps his arms around her. “I’m so happy I can’t...can’t think,” he says with a short laugh.

As he breathes into her hair, he can't help but long for the day that they’ll officially be family.

Spock is right.

There is no logic in waiting.

 

oOo

 

Bones lounges on the couch, feigning interest in playing what he thinks is the worst game in history.

Charades.

It all went back to the time when he’d been just a kid. He'd been asked to play a part in the school play because he was the only one who'd been able to ride a unicycle, and they needed one in a circus. He'd signed up to make his parents proud of him for something other than his grades. The problem had been not his lack of skill—but his stage fright. He'd lost his sense of balance the instant he'd cycled onto the stage.

There is no question that Joanna got her acting gene from Jocelyn. He’d almost rather be given a flight sim than be asked to parade around as some character.

Take this particular game, for instance. The teams are stacked. In their favor. Not that he’s complaining. Nyota is the perfect partner when it comes to games, but then again, so is Jim. And he’s lucky enough to have both of them on his team. Nyota is the queen of communication and he knows no one more competitive than Jim. And he—Leonard—knows more colorful language, idioms, phrases, and what-have-you than they can possibly imagine.

They’re up by one. The bad thing, however, is that Jocelyn and Jim are at each other’s throats. First accusing each other of cheating, then congratulating each other all in the same breath, in a frenemy sort of way. It’s amusing, to a point. He’d rather abandon his team and go talk to his little girl, who’s growing up far too fast. But it seems as if Jojo needs a little time to herself. She'd nestled herself over in the corner, on the couch as soon as the opportunity had risen, declining to participate.

She’s missing an easy one. Jim is pretending to make a snowman. He’s sure of it.

But he stares intently at him as if he doesn’t know what Jim is doing, which is simple and easy to figure out. Jim is pretending to roll snowball number two and place it on top of larger snowball he’d just “made.”

Leonard leans an elbow on the side of the couch, and with his chin on his hand, taking another long look while Jim pantomimes.

Those jeans.

Jim.

Jim in those jeans.

They should be illegal.

If only they were back at his mother's house, he knows _exactly_ what he'd do to Jim to celebrate winning a game of charades. Same if they lost. A consolation prize, if you will.

“Frosty the Snowman,” Nyota calls out.

Jim grins and bows. “The one and only.”

“That was too easy,” Jocelyn mutters.“Let me look at that.”

She grabs the paper from his hand, reads it, and frowns.

Jim shrugs. “One of your team members wrote it down.”

Jocelyn lowers the paper and looks at both Matthew and Spock with narrowed eyes. “Matthew?”

Her husband raises both of his hands. “Wasn't me.”

She turns to Spock. “Don't tell me... _you_?”

“As I am one-third of our team and the only one who has not given an answer—”

Nyota gives a ladylike snort.

“—I cannot lie,” Spock says. “Indeed, it is penned in my hand.”

Jim laughs, its beautiful ring music to his ears. “Spock, Frosty? I believe you managed to surprise us yet again. Five more rounds?”

“Five?” Leonard repeats in disbelief.

Jim plops down beside him, grinning. He threads his hand through Leonard's. “Come on, Bones. It’ll be fun.”

“I’ve heard that before,” he mutters.

“You're good at his. You just...need to loosen up.” Jim leans forward, rubbing his nose against Leonard’s cheek.

“Five more rounds, Jim, and then I need to check on Emmy.”

“It’s a deal.” Jim doesn’t pull away at Jocelyn’s voice. Instead he nuzzles him again, then kisses him. “Bones? You in? I promise I won’t snore tonight if you do.”

He chuckles. It had been a sweet thing to say, because he knows it’d be true, had Jim the power to prevent his own snoring. By golly, he’d use it. “I won’t let you down.”

“Good.” Jim lets go of his hand and stands. “Just remember, this round is harder. Famous lines from Christmas movies.”

He groans. He loathes watching Christmas movies more than he disliked holiday songs. Jim knows this. He’s made him watch dozens with him over the years. “Oh no. No movie quotes.”

He can just see it now. Jim, late at night, mumbling them in his sleep. He, Leonard, counting lines, not sheep, as he lay there _trying_ to get to sleep.

“Yep,” Jim quips.

“We got this, Leo,” Nyota urges.

Jim nods. “Time to do or die, Bones.”

He sighs, resigned to joining them. Still, he hangs back as Nyota steps up to the plate, and Jim is already shouting out phrases.

Realizing that no one is watching him, only the stars of the show, he sees his chance. The opportunity he’s been waiting for since he’s arrived in Atlanta.

He slips out of his seat and heads determinedly for Joanna.

 

oOo

 

“Joanna.”

She cranes her neck at the sound of a muffled voice, and pulls out one earbud.

“ _Joanna_.”

The voice is urgent, but so is what she’s doing at the moment. Waiting. Nathan, although they weren’t an item, had promised to comm her. She sighs and pauses her music, then shifts her body on the couch, craning her neck again while trying to identify who was interrupting her favorite Christmas song, _I’ll be Home for Christmas_. The one she’s been listening to, over and over, for maybe forever.

This year, she should find a new song, but it’s a force of habit now. Her dad is finally home. Her soon-to-be _Daddy Jim_ is home, too. She can’t get the words to the song out of her mind, because, after five long years, they’re finally true. And after this year, she’ll have to listen to it even more.

She’s looking the wrong way, she realizes, as somebody huffs and sinks down beside her on her other side.

She knows, just as well as everyone else, that charades was far from being her dad’s favorite entertainment. However, she can’t resist teasing him. “Is your favorite game over already, Dad?”

She looks at him innocently.

“Unfortunately, no,” he grumbles. “You know how it is, at least this year. Yesterday, the same thing happened. Your mother and Jim fight it out, trying to outdo each other. And now Ny and Spock are here to add fuel to the fire, because Lord knows, Spock is even worse.” Her father reaches an arm around her shoulders. “I’m just taking a break from keeping the peace, that’s all.”

She snuggles close, happy he chose to come over by her, instead. “They’re both competitive, Daddy. And they both like being dramatic,” she announces. A little loudly, but no one else hears from the other side of the room.

Her father gives a short laugh. “Don’t tell your mother that. Or Jim. Remember that peacock we saw at the zoo when you were four?”

She scrunches her face. “Um, sort of? Didn’t he escape and strut around like he owned the place—and knock me to the ground?”

“He sure did,” her father drawls. “That’s your Uncle Jim when it comes to games. And being dramatic. If he wins, he’ll preen even more than that blasted feathered bird. And you’d better be ready for when he turns around with that pretty tail of his, hitting you in the face”

She giggles, not sure which is funnier. The image of Jim with feathers—or her dad describing Jim’s would-be-tail as pretty.

Her father suddenly bends his head towards her, eyes serious. “Follow me,” he murmurs.

“But, Dad, I’m waiting for a call from Na—”

“Before they notice I’m gone.” He takes her hand, pulling her up and leaving her no choice but to come with him.

“Well, since you're a third of the team, they probably already _have_ noticed you’re gone—”

“Humor your old man,” he interjects, tugging her arm.

She rolls her eyes, and follows him to a small storage room in the back of Nana’s house that no one ever uses anymore. He peers out the door once she’s inside the room with him, like he’s worried someone else followed them. When he’s satisfied, he closes the door and locks it.

“What are we doing here?” she asks, as he goes to the metal shelf on the one wall, and removes a large box.

“I hid it here,” he murmurs, blowing on the top of the box.

Dust flies in the air. She coughs, and waves a hand in front of her face. “What? An artifact?”

“Close,” he says absently. He digs deep into the contents of the box, a look of concentration on his face. “I need you to promise me, Jojo, that you’ll not say a word. To anyone.”

“Okay…” she says, unsure now she wants to be a part of this.

One big secret is enough, isn't it?

“Good,” he says, cocking a brow at her. His hand slowly rises from the box and he sets the object on the table. It’s a wooden box, with dents and dings on all sides.

“Um,” she frowns. “Dad, it’s not really pre—”

“Wait,” he interjects, holding up a hand to stop her. “Before you say anything. Let me show you.”

She sighs. “Okay.”

He picks it up. “It’s for your Uncle Jim. It was his father’s. His brother has had it all these years and wants to give it to Jim.”

Her brow creases. “So why do you have it?’

“It’ll mean more, coming from me.” He steps closer, and carefully undoes the small latch at the side. “It’s more than a box, Jojo. Far more.”

She holds her breath and peers inside, surprised to see a plain old compass, with her dad holding it like it's something from a museum. It isn’t what she expected, but then again, if it had been Jim’s dad’s, then it would mean something to Jim.

“You can hold it if you want,” he urges quietly.

“Will it break?” It looks old to her.

“No,” he says softly, smiling. “I’ve held it a lot, already.”

It’s her turn to arch a brow. “Then why is it—”

“Because it is,” he says firmly. “You have no idea how your Uncle Jim is around Christmas.”

She blinks. “You mean...he snoops.”

Somehow, that doesn’t surprise her.

His long-suffering sigh fills the room. “Does he snoop? He’s the worse of its kind. Worse than you, darlin’.”

She snorts. “I don’t snoop anymore. I’m too old.”

He nods. “Tell that to your Uncle Jim. He just can’t help himself, I guess.”

“Sure, I’ll hold it,” she decides, stretching out her hands.

Her dad sobers and places it in the palm of her hands. “Be careful now. And don’t press the little button on the bottom.”

She immediately looks for it, lifting the compass to find it. Sure enough, the button is there. “Why can’t I touch it?”

Her dad doesn’t answer.

“Dad?” she repeats, his silence now frightening because not only is he quiet, he’s looking at the compass funny.

Like...as if in determination. Like it’s a bird to be put back into its cage. Like he has to do everything and anything from keeping Jim from finding it.

Her finger twitches. Of all people, her dad knows he can’t tell her not to do something, then not explain why she can't.

She narrows her eyes at him, then the compass, and back at her dad. “If you’re not going to say…”

Her voice trails off, and he still doesn’t answer. Now he’s staring at the compass as if it’s the last treasure on earth.

Her finger moves, and she knowingly ‘pulls the trigger.’ There is a tinny springing noise, right as a little drawer extends from the compass, just large enough for....

“What in the world?” she whispers.

Her dad breaks into a rare, golden smile. “Took ya long enough. I knew you’d succumb to temptation. And now I have to wrap it.”

Her mouth snaps shut, and she immediately closes the hidden drawer. Though she wants to examine it more, a _lot_ more, she doesn’t. She can tell that his mind’s made up and he wants to wrap it. He takes it from her and sets it on the table in the center of the room, whistling _It’s Beginning to Look Like Christmas_ the entire time.

Whistling. Her _Dad_. Whistling.

She's tempted to call for her mom, just so she can witness it, too. Or Nana. Would anyone ever believe her?

“Dad?” she asks, finding a stool and dragging it over to the table. She hops up on the seat.

“Yeah, sweetheart?” He pulls out another box, one with an assortment of gift wrap and some tape.

He fumbles with the items, managing to twist several different colors of ribbon around his wrist. In seconds, it’s a tangled mess up his arm. She cocks her head, amused when he can't free himself right away.

“Maybe...maybe we should all wrap gifts tomorrow, Dad,” she muses aloud. “Together. For something fun to do.”

“I’ll show you fun,” he mutters under his breath, as he yanks on the tangled ribbons.

Or, she decides, for keeping her father, of all people, from succumbing to an injury by gift wrapping.

“I swear these things are alive,” he grumbles, finally freeing himself from them with a growl when the ribbons snap.

She tries to smother a giggle, but fails.

He shoots her a narrowed look, but grabs a roll of wrapping paper quietly.

She delicately clears her throat. “Sorry.”

She picks up the tape dispenser before he does, before he can do something else to get into trouble. Like cut himself. He unrolls the paper and after a moment of biting his lips, places the box on it to measure what he needs to cut.

“At the party?” he says absently.

“Yeah,” she says, scratching her nose when his cut ends up crooked. She stops when her dad tries to fold the paper around the box, and makes the creases all wrong. Trying her best to be patient, she breaks off a piece of tape for him. He takes it, now whistling _Frosty the Snowman_ , and tries to connect two sides of the paper around an edge.

It's a lost cause.

The paper is already forming a weird lump, which does nothing for the aesthetic quality of the gift.

She hides her laughter behind her hand. She hopes that Uncle Jim can wrap better than her father; she can’t remember if he does, because if he can't, it might be be a little difficult to know who gave what under the tree.

She slides off of her stool and goes over to him. “Let me.”

He continues as if he hasn’t heard her. He creases and folds the paper. He makes more lumps.

“Dad,” she repeats loudly.

He jolts. “What?”

“You’re doing it all wrong,” she says.

“Am not,” he says, defensive.

“Were you daydreaming?”

“Thinking.”

She doesn't even have to ask, but she does. “About Uncle Jim?”

He looks at her sheepishly. “Maybe.”

She rolls her eyes. “Dad, you _are_ doing it wrong,” she says, nudging him off to the side. “You don’t need to use so much paper.”

She expertly cuts another piece of wrapping paper. Its smaller size is just right as she begins to tape.

“Guess I am.” He stills, and glances sideways at her. From under her lashes she watches as his eyes warm, and she knows immediately where his mind has taken him. “So, what do you think?”

She doesn't look up, she's too much of a perfectionist that way, but she smiles to herself. “It’s perfect.”

 

oOo

 

Jim grabs his coat, and shrugs it on. The game is over, after calling it a tie. Not that Jim would’ve minded if he’d lost. He played for the pure sport of it—and getting a rise out of Jocelyn. He’d forgiven her long ago for all that she’d put Bones through, but they still liked to get on each other’s nerves. Similar to how Bones and Spock bicker all the time, now that he thinks about it.

He’s anxious, though, having had too much time to think after the game. It’s time to go see the lights. Everyone is ready. Jocelyn is double-checking with Nora that the oven is off. Matthew is putting a coat on Emelynne. Spock and Nyota…

On second though, he’s not sure where they are. He glances around quickly, stops when he sees Nyota kiss Spock, right under the mistletoe.

Spock doesn’t seem to mind, though, when Nyota wraps both her arms around him, making for a heated moment.

“Caught you unawares, did she, Spock?” he teases, causing them to lurch apart, breaking their kiss.

“Captain,” Spock exclaims. “I did not know you were there.”

He smirks and shakes his head as they adjust their clothing. “No, I suppose you didn’t.”

Spock's cheeks tinge a darker green. “I realize now that I did not remember to look at the ceilings, as I am accustomed to doing at this time of year.”

Nyota smiles, adjusting her hair. “He’s as taken with Emmy as you are.”

“Yeah?” Jim pauses, arching a brow. “Is that so? Or is something else on your mind?”

Spock immediately clasps his hands behind his back. “I do not know to what you are inferring.”

“Ny?” he asks, looking to her for the answer. Thanks to Spock's vague answer, he's beyond curious, now.

Amazingly, she’s already flushed. “Captain, I don’t think—”

“It’s Jim,” he reminds her. “I was called “Captain” today far too many times,” he says with a sigh.

“Fine,” she says. “Jim, I don’t wish to discuss that with…though I wouldn’t mind…it’s not the right...” She sighs exasperatedly and glances up at Spock. “A little help?”

Spock lifts his chin, and Jim can just sense what’s coming, what he’s about to say. “I believe you are the one who began our predicament.”

Her face falls. “It’s my fault?”

Jim has to fight a laugh. Yes, he’d been right. Spock and his...tact. Or lack thereof.

“No, that is not what I intended to infer.”

“Yes, it is!”

His brow arches higher, and it appears they’re in one of their very rare arguments.

Spock’s eyes narrow slightly. “Nyota, may I point out that you did, in fact, kiss me first, then mention my attention was focused upon—”

“Oh, alright,” she interjects, in a hushed voice. “Of course that’s on our minds, Jim, but we’re...we’re waiting. Our duties…”

Her voice trails off.

He smiles reassuringly before the two are able to resume their disagreement. “I understand, and I respect your decision, though you two would make the cutest kids. I really didn’t mean to upset you.”

“No,” she says softly. “I know everyone must wonder about it. Christine has said something to me once or twice, I’ve just never answered...until now.”

“Well, I’m honored that I’m the first to hear what you had to say about it,” he says honestly, meaning it with every fiber of his being.

That was information never shared lightly, especially when coming from a couple like Ny and Spock.

“So, where did Leonard go?” Nyota asks.

“Bones?” Jim asks, now frowning. “I guess…”

He spun around, flabbergasted that he hadn’t realized that his boyfriend was missing. “I have no clue. I don't know where Jojo went, either.”

“Should we leave without them?” Matthew asks, coming up beside them with Emmy. “Jojo has been waiting for a friend to comm so she might have decided to stay here with Nora.”

Jim rubs his jaw. “Speaking of that...I’m not too sure about this Nathan kid and her age.”

“You’re telling me,” Matthew says, sighing heavily. “We’ve set boundaries, talked with Leonard about them, but she’s growing up far too fast. She’ll be a teenager next month.”

Jim smiles down at the contented baby, who chose, at that very moment, to open her eyes and stare up at him.

“It has to be strange,” he murmurs. “With one so small, and her big sister entertaining ideas about dat—”

Matthew groans. “Please don’t say it.”

“What about you, Jim?” Nyota asks, right as Jocelyn comes into the room.

“Jim,” Matthew says, adjusting Emmy in his arms. “Would you like to hold her?”

Jim had found early on that he could never say no to holding Baby Emmy, and gladly welcomes her into his arms. He’d also found that he wasn’t as awkward with a miniature human as he’d first thought. He breathes in slowly, enjoying the scent of baby lotion and chamomile. The cute look of concentration on her face. Her hand wrapped around his finger.

“What about me?” he asks absently, wanting desperately to make her laugh like he could make Jojo laugh. “What do you mean?”

“You and Leonard. You've been together for awhile. Have you ever thought of kids of your own?”

He doesn’t know how to answer the question, especially when there are four pairs of eyes staring at him. He’d thought of adoption, of course, maybe when he was old and gray, and done with active missions. But then, it’d be too late.

“There’ve been developments you know,” Jocelyn begins, teasingly.

He’d be mortified that she’d even suggested it in front of everyone, except he can't find it within himself to counter the idea. He narrows his eyes. “Hold that thought right there, Joce.”

She doesn’t appear to be too surprised at his reply. Spock, on the other hand, has employed the Brow of Extreme Curiosity. And Ny...her expression is relaxed, and maybe a little too serious. Matthew is not bothering to hide his curiosity in the matter.

Great. Just great.

But then Jocelyn sucks in a breath. “Does that mean that you’d at least entertain the—”

“Don’t.”

Her eyes widen.

“Don't say another word about it,” he grits, his teeth clenching all on their own.

“Oh. I see,” she says softly.

He wills himself to breathe in and out like a normal human being. But it's difficult. It isn't bad enough that he’s had to work up the courage to propose, he has to deal with this, too. And he isn't even engaged yet.

Which brings him to his next thought. Do newly engaged people—or nearly engaged people—experience questions just like that one? If they do, he's not sure he can take it.

“Maybe you should take her,” he hears himself saying.

“I’m sorry, Jim,” Jocelyn says as she team the baby from him, her expression apologetic. “I didn’t mean to overstep my boundaries.”

“What’s this about overstepping boundaries?”

Jim, now free of Emmy, is grateful when Bones slips his arms around his waist and kisses his cheek.

“Just that it's time to leave, or Emmy will get to bed too late,” Jocelyn says quickly, giving Jim a cautious look.

He looks down, swallowing hard, grateful that Jocelyn had covered for him.

He doesn't know what had gotten into him. Only that the questions about children had caused him to feel unbalanced. Children of his own? The how and when is simply overwhelming. Yet he can’t deny that his reaction proves he wants them, or at least make him want to channel that desire by doting on Joanna, Baby Emmy, and his nieces and nephews.

Oblivious to his inner turmoil, Bones just smiles at the baby. Emmy immediately coos at him, then at Jojo, who peeks over his other shoulder.

“Well, we can’t have that, now can we?” Bones says softly. “We best be moving along so this beautiful princess can get her sleep sooner than later.”

“Your mother?” Jocelyn asks. “Is she able to join us?”

“She’s resting, said she'll be meeting us there.”

Bones grabs his jacket and heads for the front door. He’s the first to reach it, and Jim is the second. The others lag behind. Jim can’t figure out if that’s purely accidental—or intentional.

Bones opens the door, holding it for him. “Jim, darlin’,” he says, staring at him with deep affection in his eyes. “After you.”

But Jim pauses before stepping out. “Thanks, Bones,” he says softly.

Bones looks at him, eyes lighting with curiosity. “For this? Holding the door?”

Jim squeezes his hand and presses a chaste kiss to Bones’s mouth. He’s so nervous, he almost misses that perfect mouth. “For great timing,” he says shakily, reluctant to let him go.

“That’s what I’m here for,” Bones says, his hand slipping around him again. “Don’t you know?”

The door closes behind them, and suddenly they’re standing outside under a canopy of miniature, twinkling white lights and the greenery of a beautifully decorated front porch, complete with sculpted topiaries and holly.

He doesn’t answer him, nor does he have the slightest clue as to how he’s going to form the right words to propose to Bones in just a few short days.

In truth, there are many times that he prefers silence between them. The time to just...be. No words. Just... _them_.

This is one of those times.

It seems like Bones isn't much for talking, either. He folds both of his arms around Jim, tucks him against his body, and doesn’t let him go until a moment later, when the door opens and the others begin to sidle past them.

“Ready to go?” Bones murmurs huskily, his eyes warm as he looks at Jim. “Or do you need another minute?”

Those eyes are filled with so much love, that it takes him a moment to form his words.

“No, I’m ready.”

“Ya sure?”

Jim falls in love with him all over again, as he stands there, waiting patiently for him. “As long as it's with you.”

“Of course it’s with me,” Bones says, his hand warm as it engulfs his. “Who else would put up with you and your shenanigans?”

“Wouldn’t want anyone else but you doing that.”

“Me neither,” Bones drawls.

Jim begins to walk down the front steps, expecting Bones to follow.

He doesn’t.

“Come ‘ere,” Bones murmurs, pulling him back onto the porch.

“But they’re wait—”

“Let them wait.” Bones reaches up and grasps both sides of Jim’s face, tenderly, yet locking him in place.

It’s nothing short of hot.

He licks his lips. Whenever Bones does something like this, his mind begins to buzz, even after all these years. “What?”

Bones quirks his brow. “You’re under the mistletoe.”

Jim barely has time to see for himself before Bones bends his head, his long lashes fluttering as he closes in on Jim’s mouth.

“My mista—”

“Hush,” Bones whispers.

He does.

The kiss is sweet and warm, savory, with a hint of peppermint—and all the happy memories between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I'm working on Part Two of the story, which should be ready to post this week, or the week after Christmas at the latest. I'd love to hear what you think - writing (mostly) fluff is new territory for me. :D
> 
> Many thanks to junker5 and Diamondblue4 for betaing, and for their wonderful edits and comments during the writing process! And to junker5, again, for suggesting that Bones give Jim a compass for Christmas. That worked out perfectly. ;) Also, thanks to the reader on space-wrapped who suggested the perfect ("Jim and Bones can't wrap gifts well") prompt, on which this story is based.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next chapter, as promised! :) I decided to split this into three parts, however. I'm a little behind on my writing because my little boy is sick, and today I feel under the weather, too. But I'll be working on it. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy what's next, both fluff and fluffy angst. ;)

...oOo...

  

You Give Me Feelings I Adore

 

Chapter Two

 

  
...oOo...

 

Leonard awakens in the spare room of his mother’s house two days days later, Jim plastered to his body and invading his side of the bed. Faint strains of a Terran carol float in the air, signaling that his mother is up early, as always. Despite the fact that they—the adults— had stayed up until the wee hours of the morning, after coming home from the more holiday sightseeing.

He presses a kiss to Jim’s head, which is tucked under his arm, and sighs in happiness. That Jim is attached to him like a limpet is nothing unusual. In fact, he secretly loves the fact that Jim, a man who is strong and independent, needs him this way—in any way—and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. He knows for a fact that Jim can’t fall asleep unless he’s holding onto him—or something that reminds him of him. Like...an old shirt. Or a sweatshirt. Once, he’d come to their quarters after his shift only to find Jim, snoring away, and clutching one of his shoes to his chest. A shoe. A damn _shoe_.

All of that is proof that since they’d begun sharing a bed—sharing a life—Jim’s tactile nature had practically tripled. Maybe even quadrupled. Knowing and understanding Jim’s past, and his current tendencies, made the decision to allow Jim whatever contact he needed easy for him. There was no way he’d ever try to correct anything Jim did in bed, including when it came to their lovemaking.

Leonard smirks in the dim light of the bedroom. Especially then. That was the only time that Jim had to ‘let go,’ a necessary step for him to keep his head on straight, and let Leonard lead the way.

“Mmph,” Jim mumbles. “You awake?”

Leonard adjusts his arm around him, and pulls him closer. “Barely.”

The Admiralty had commed Jim right as they’d both fallen asleep.

He has a mind to throw the comm away, along with any other devices Jim might have brought along.

Jim sighs. “Reminds me. Wanna go to the burger place again?”

“How does that remind you of food?” he asks. “Is that all you think about?”

As soon as he asks Jim, he bites his tongue. Feeling like an idiot. Hoping Jim doesn't take it the wrong way.

“What kind of question is that?”

“Is it?”

Jim pauses, scrunches up his face. “Yes. So can we go?”

“Not on your diet,” he replies easily.

Ever since their last mission, right before their time in the black ended, Jim’s metabolism had changed. He believes it to be the result of the torture Jim had endured at the hands of the Klingons for two weeks before he was rescued. And, though Jim is still young, he has experienced several traumas in his lifetime. More than several. He could see with another five-year mission in their future, it was inevitable there would be more. But, after that, he isn’t confident it would be in Jim’s best interest to try for a third.

“You’re no fun,” Jim mumbles, snuggling him a bit.

He has pity on him, can’t think of doing anything to displease him. Especially when he sacrificed time with his own family to be with his. “We do have our annual hot chocolate and pajama party planned for tomorrow, remember?”

Jim guffaws. “You mean you’ll let me have sweets but not protein?”

It is a good point, but Jim doesn’t need to know that. “I think I hear my Mama calling.”

It’s an excuse to grab his tricorder, just to check that Jim is well. Some habits never died. He tries to ease himself away from Jim’s grasp, but his lover’s grip is strong. “Wait,” Jim whispers.

His breath catches at the sound of need in Jim’s voice. “What is it?”

“You weren’t upset that Spock and Ny were with us yesterday, were you?”

He turns his head on the pillow and stares straight into his eyes. “What the hell kind of question is that?”

“I’d wanted to th…” Jim’s voice breakers off, and he hesitates. “Spend time with them, since it’ll be a little while until we see them again.”

“A few weeks?”

Jim flushes. “Well, it seems like forever.”

“I know it does,” he murmurs, and lifts his chin to kiss him fully on the mouth. They both have abhorrent morning breath, but he ignores it, desiring the intimacy. He loves waking up at their leisure. Especially with the promise of festivities to come.

Which reminds him that he planned on bringing Jim breakfast in bed this morning. He always did that near Christmas. He should do it more often.

Jim’s hand roves up and down his chest. “Wanna?”

He lets the question dangle.

It’s an invitation Leonard can’t refuse. He shimmies out of his boxers, pleased that Jim is still naked from their tryst last night. He turns Jim on his back with one swift movement and straddles him, the skin-to-skin touch already making the blood rush from his head. He barely looks at Jim, gives him no time to respond, before bending his head and kissing him.

Their kiss lengthens, is every part of their longing, manifesting itself through every touch and caress. He slides his hand behind Jim’s neck to support him, and deepens the kiss, tongue plunging into the younger man’s mouth.

“Bones,” Jim rasps between breaths.

Leonard answers by exploring him deeper, massaging coiled muscles with his other hands, then fondling him and giving him no chance to speak any further. With a guttural moan, Jim arches his back ever so slightly. His hands clench around the sheets, in time to his movements. Leonard pauses, but briefly, to let Jim catch his breath.

Yet he can’t leave him alone for long. He craves more of the same response from his lover, more of the energy building between them, and eases his hands down Jim’s arms. He wants to hold as much of Jim as possible, including his strong, long fingers. He continues sliding his hands downward, the contact between them liquid and smooth. Like clockwork yet, at the same time, unexpected and exhilaratingly so. It makes his heart thrum faster. His longing deeper. His passion to burgeon at the surface.

His hands meet Jim’s clenched fists. He covers them with a tender grip—and waits. Jim easily submits, a fact he never takes lightly, and the younger man’s hands loosen around the covers without much urging from him at all. A satisfied sound escapes from Leonard’s throat. He laces their fingers together, his breath catching and groin stirring in the anticipation of opening Jim up while it was still morning, and spilling inside of him, with the sunlight falling on the bed.

But he wants to make this last. For both of them to have more than a satisfying end to their time in bed. Jim’s tension is palpable, and this is the perfect way to release that tension. He relaxes, his body dipping in pace with their gliding movements, Jim meeting him like a perfect piece to a puzzle, as their bodies curve into each other. Their erections rub, the friction having a magnetic, dizzying effect on him. Jim, too, by the sound of his mewl, the way he writhes underneath him, but he continues. His aggressive kisses, leaving a few tender bites along the neck, mark the younger man, as he takes advantage of their time alone as much as he can, before they have to leave for Jocelyn's house.

He breathes his scent like he'd breathe in the flowers from his mother’s garden, fully and without reservation. Like lovers wholly content with each other. He needs no one else, and tastes his salty skin with pleasure, and slides one hand back up Jim’s body, underneath his shirt. He lingers at his chest, raking his nail across a nipple, reveling in the warmth emanating from Jim’s body, the shudder that runs through him as he pinches the fleshy tip.

“God, Bones.” Jim gasps, writhing once more.

Leonard knowingly moves his hand away. In delaying Jim’s satisfaction, a sense of anticipation oozes from his lover. But as he makes him wait, this is what releases Jim’s tension, this deeper longing for more, and he’s more than happy to oblige. His sights are set elsewhere; Jim's neck is conveniently arched, opening more skin for him to claim with multiple, slow deliberate kisses as he works his way upwards his body.

“It’s a good thing you’re not in a hurry, darlin’,” he whispers in his ear, when reaches the irresistible curve of his jaw.

“Huh, not...” Jim rasps, “what I say.”

With a low chuckle, he cups Jim’s jaw, having left the curve of his neck to resume command of his mouth. He doesn’t wait for Jim to submit, but immediately deepens the kiss. He hums in satisfaction. Jim’s lips are warm and pliant, but eager. Perfect in every way, even when Jim’s cheek scrapes against his, their kisses growing more urgent. He's clean shaven. Jim isn't. Not that he minds. He's never told Jim, but it’s always been a turn on for him, the roughness against his smooth cheek undeniably _Jim_. The peppering of gray shows his age and maturity, and is just as attractive to him as Jim’s electric blue eyes. It's a texture, a feeling, that’s just for him to experience, and no one else.

For him, that’s the only eye candy that he needs, the icing on the top that is James T. Kirk.

After a breathless moment, they break away. Jim’s eyes are glazed, as if the kisses alone had hypnotized him.

And damn it all. Just staring back at Jim, with him looking like this—debauched and at his mercy for more—arouses him even more.

If he had that power, to hypnotize him, he’d use it every damn chance that he got, just to have Jim look at him like this, in complete adoration and trust. He caresses Jim’s cheek, pausing only when his lover’s expression morphs into one of pure happiness.

“I take it that’s a yes,” Jim slurs, softly smiling, his eyes shining as brightly as the stars he so loved.

Jim's blue eyes and the huskiness of his voice are too much for him. They make him weak in the knees, as always. He grunts to cover up the slight tremor of his arms, and kisses him again, sucking on Jim’s bottom lip before pulling away with a pop.

He hates to pull back, but he wants to see all of him. There is nothing like James Tiberius Kirk in the morning, on a soft mattress, his smile warm and lazy, his body like putty in his hands. He should know. He's had the delight of experiencing it for himself, nearly every day, for more than five years. And just days before Christmas, when they have all the time in the world, it's as sexy as hell.

“You bet your ass it’s a yes, darlin’,” Leonard drawls. “Do I have plans for you.”

Jim’s eyes glaze over more. “Bones,” he begs.

“Patience, Jim,” he smirks. “We’re just getting started.”

Jim smiles crookedly at him, like the sun, on a clear, gorgeous day in Georgia.

He can’t help but feel smug and pity all of the poor bastards out there.

That look? It’s just for him.

 

oOo

 

Jim can say, with certainty, that Georgia does something for Bones that no other place does. His decision to come here for the holidays, while for Bones’s sake, to keep them together when things mattered the most, had also been for selfish reasons. The sex they’d just had proved it. He stretches his sore muscles, like a cat, wishing they’d had more time to lie in each other’s arms.

Bones is up before he is, goes to the bathroom, and returns to clean both of them. Jim, seeing the look of concentration on his face, lets him. Besides, he isn't sure his body could hold him if he actually tried to stand. Bones, although a tender lover, knows when Jim needs more. And he’d certainly known just a few minutes ago.

“How can you even _move_ after that?” Jim asks, blowing out a slow breath.

Bones grabs a pair of fresh boxers and pants, his hair tousled as he stares down at him. His lips twitch. “Oh, I’m movin’ just fine, Captain. You're having a little trouble, I take it?”

Jim blinks up, speechless. Captain? He wants to kill him, doesn’t he? Does he even know how sexy that is, just thrown in there like it’s an everyday occurrence? Like Bones ever calls him Captain on a regular basis.

“You are having trouble.” Bones frowns, when Jim is quiet. “Aren’t you?”

“As if you didn’t know,” he says good-naturedly. “You’re the one who caused it.”

“You weren’t complaining.” Bones begins to dress.

Jim groans, but turns on his side and drags his body to an upright posting so he can sit on the edge of the bed. “How soon do we need to leave?”

“An hour, at most.”

He hangs his head a bit, thinking, as crazy as it sounds, that he has to comm HQ before they leave. Again.

“Jim.”

He rubs his eyes. “Yeah?”

“If you need to, we can postpone this.”

“No,” he stands and picks out his clothes, moving gingerly. “Hate to lose out on any time with Jojo, you know?”

“I know,” Bones said quietly.

He quickly finishes dressing, all while stealing glances at Bones. “So, it’s strange.”

Bones pulls on his shoes. “What is?”

“I never imagined that, someday, we’d be spending all of this time, and Christmas Eve, at Jocelyn’s. With her husband and their new baby.”

Bones hums in his throat and fixes a nice antique looking watch to his wrist. Jim looks twice at it, admiring how it coordinates with his outfit. He also never remembers seeing it before. “It never seemed likely, no.”

“It’s one of the strangest things I’ve experienced, and I’ve seen strange.” He pauses. “You remember, don't you? She hated me, not that I blamed her. I did steal you from her, in a way. And I…” He chooses his words carefully. No sense in reviving all of the past. “Never really liked her, either.”

Bones snorts, combs his hair in the dress mirror. “That’s putting it lightly.”

Jim sprawls on the bed, though he’s completely dressed now, deep in thought. “It’s nice to be friends. It’s good for you, too. You’ve been so relaxed.”

Bones turns around. “Speaking of that, what’s on your mind? You’re thinking so loudly, I can hear you.”

Jim’s heart lurches. “Wh-what?”

“You seem a million miles away at times.”

“Only a million?”

Bones gives him a long look. “That bad, huh?”

He silently nods.

“HQ?”

He swallows, answering honestly, “Yes.”

“And?” Bones sits beside him. “Or can’t you tell me.”

He shouldn’t, not until he has several more meetings, but he decides it won’t hurt, that the truth would be best in this case. “I’ll tell you. It’s our layover time.”

Bones’s face falls. “I shoulda guessed. They’re shortening it.”

Jim schools his features. “At least for some of us.”

Bones looks sharply at him. “What does that mean?’

“It means,” he says slowly. “That I, along with my first officer and a handful of others will be commanding a smaller ship in the near future, while the renovations to the Enterprise are being finished.”

He can tell by the look on Bones’s face that it isn’t news he wants to hear. “And your chief medical officer?”

“I'm trying my best to include you,” he says, knowing it wouldn’t completely placate him. “Archer knows I won't go anywhere if you're not there.”

“I don't like the sound of you going anywhere without me, not after what happened last time.”

“It'll work out,” he says confidently. “We still have nearly six months before the Enterprise heads out,” he assures him.

“But?”

If only Bones couldn’t see through him so well.

“Jim,” Bones presses.

“Three months.” He winces as soon as the words are out, the two words feeling like a sentence. “We have three months before we will be sent out on a mission, five-and-a-half months before we leave on the Enterprise.”

He sighs when Bones keeps quiet.

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” he decides. Chagrined, he rests his head on his shoulder.

Bones hums in his throat. “I’m actually glad you said something. It will prepare me for the holidays.”

“As long as it doesn’t ruin them,” Jim says with a mirthless laugh.

“We’ll make them count,” Bones says simply. “Every second. I guess this means my teaching stint is officially over, though they haven’t bothered to tell me yet.”

“It’ll free up more time for us, I promise,” Jim affirms softly. “At least for a little while. You might even get sick of me.”

“Never,” Bones says, eyes flickering with emotion.

“And when they tell you, act surprised and all.”

“I will.”

Technically, he had been given the go ahead to tell Bones by Archer. Jim had not told Bones yet simply because he hadn't wanted to disappoint him, in case his plea for Bones to accompany him is ultimately ignored.

“As serious as that is, I know that’s not the only thing bothering you.” Bones pins him with a look that, even though he’s Bones’s superior, makes Jim shift in his seat.

But, they were back to personal things between them, not Starfleet. There is a difference, and Jim is more than happy to shove all things Starfleet aside and return to just being Jim and Bones.

“Well, it is Christmas,” he explains. “And...you might be uncomfortable with our family. I’m not sure we’ll have as much fun there as we are having here.”

Bones stares at him quietly. “And?”

Jim grasps for straws, and goes for changing the subject, instead. “You didn’t hear what Jocelyn said that one night, did you?”

“You mean her question about us having children someday?”

Jim knew it. “So you did.”

Figures.

“Heard the question as I was coming down the hall.” Bones lies on his back, staring up at the ceiling. “So, do you?”

“Joanna…” Jim takes a breath, joining him on the bed. He curls on his side, arm resting across Bones’s chest. “ _Is_ like a daughter to me, in every way, Bones.”

“I know,” Bones tone is cautious, and Jim can only imagine that his caution is based on his—Jim’s—penchant for running away from commitment. “But...for us. Do you want children?”

“If someday, w-we wer…” Jim’s chest tightens.

“Go on,” Bones gently prods, looking at him with warm eyes.

Jim breathes in through his nostrils. “If someday we were married yes I’d like to have children.”

He doesn't let out a breath until Bones takes his hand, rubbing his thumb over his skin. The constant motion relaxes him, the small gesture somehow releasing the tension that had been rebuilding since they’d had sex and began talking about the shortened layover.

The time ticks by, but neither of them makes a move to leave. It’s as if Bones needs this time, for the information to soak in. It isn’t like they’ve ever discussed it before. Nor have they discussed marriage. Not really. They'd inferred it over a year ago, and any supposed reference to it since had only occurred when they’d discussed what their lives would look like at the end of the five-year mission.

“Maybe one day,” Bones says, low and drawling, “We’ll find out.”

Jim smiles to himself. “Yeah. Maybe one day.”

 

oOo

 

Joanna fights a sigh. This morning is crawling by like a snail. Which is funny, because ever since her Uncle Jim had arrived, and now her dad, the days have gone by in a blink, especially since they’ve been filling them with activities. They’ve gone ice skating, and more. But today is different, probably because tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Finally. Which means—tonight is their hot chocolate and pajama party, just like old times. Only, they wouldn’t spend it at Nana’s, but here at her house for a change, where it will be easier for Mom to take care of Emmy.

Her mother had decorated, just for this, using the little time she had during Emmy’s naps to get the house ready. Joanna had helped, too, but she’d also found the perfect wrapping paper for the gifts she’s bought, especially for the one she wanted to give Uncle Jim. She just knows that he will love it. It has motorcycles and hover bikes printed all over it—and Christmas trees. It’s a weird combination; any paper in Mom’s old stash is a little odd, but giving Uncle Jim an antique compass at Christmas is even weirder. At least, it is in her opinion.

She mentally shakes her head at her father, and gives Emmy a spoonful of oatmeal, part of her breakfast. She keeps one eye on her mother, however, who is watching Uncle Jim like a hawk as he finds himself something for breakfast, too. Maybe she hadn’t imagined it. Maybe her mother suspects something more is going on between them, like she had.

As soon as Dad and Uncle Jim arrived, to spend time with them today and to watch baby Emmy while they went last minute shopping later, her mother has tried to get Jim alone. And she’d finally managed to do so, thanks to Daddy Matthew.

Of course Daddy wanted to look at his newest prosthetic leg and see the new adjustments for himself. After all, he had been the one to help Daddy Matthew find a different doctor in the first place, who then gave him a new leg to make life for him much more comfortable.

Since her mother had managed to successfully manipulate the situation, it could only mean one thing. Her mother is suspicious of something. It couldn’t be the ring, could it?

Strange, since she’s kept her word. She hasn’t told a single soul about Uncle Jim’s plan.

“Would you like some coffee?” her mother asks Jim.

“Yes, please,” he says politely, though she’s already filling a cup for him. “I could use a little caffeine.”

Her mother frowns. “You didn’t sleep well? Nora’s house is always so comfortable. She’s always been an excellent hostess, too, making chamomile tea, and keeping the temperature just right.”

He smiles. “She did all of that, but I had a few things on my mind.”

“You didn’t sleep, did you?”

“Not as well as I’d hoped, no,” he says wryly.

“You don’t have plans, then, for the next few months, waiting for the ship’s renovations to be completed, I hope. You need some time off, Jim,” she advises. “Real time off. Just like anyone else.”

“Bones is determined to finish his teaching, and I...well, HQ isn’t leaving me alone,” Jim says ruefully.

Her mother pauses from adding cream to his coffee, and looks at him sympathetically. “You wanted a break from everything.”

He takes a breath. “Yes. Bones had advised it. The last two missions we had...were hard on all of us.”

Her mother’s face is pinched while Joanna swallows and gives Emmy another spoonful of her food. She hates to think about those missions. Not that she knows much about them, just what she’s heard eavesdropping. But she knows enough to understand that they’d terrified her father because of what had happened to Uncle Jim, who’d been hurt badly. It looks like he’s recovered, but her dad is the best doctor there is. It’s no surprise to her that Uncle Jim looks as good as new.

“They were hard on you,” her mother says softly.

“You could say that, and Bones...I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t…” Jim hesitates.

“Whatever you have to say, Jim, it’s alright,” her mother says. “I’m happily in love with Matthew, and we have two beautiful daughters. I’d be glad to hear anything you have to say.”

He gives her a small smile and takes the cup of coffee from her. “I don’t know what I’d do without him, and I don’t want to think about that.” He pauses, and draws a large breath. “Ever.”

“I know,” she says gently. “I see it in his eyes, that he feels the same way about you.”

“He’s stuck with me,” he quips.

“By the way, Jim, I’m sure he’ll love the ring,” her mother says, casually.

He chokes on his first sip. “Excuse me?” he sputters.

Joanna turns her head slightly, so her mother doesn’t see her smile. She knew it. Her mother can read minds. She always knows when someone is hiding something. At least, she always knows when she is.

“Jojo?” Jim asks, narrowing her eyes on her.

She drops her smile, lifts her chin with a hint of indignation. “Wasn’t me.”

Her mother’s eyes widen. “You knew?”

She can’t hide her smirk, though she’s confused that her mother is surprised to learn that he’d shared such a prized secret with her. She shouldn’t be. She knows that even though Uncle Jim has been in the black for years, she’s as close to him as if he’s been living next door.

Thinking of her dad wrapped in ribbon last night, she wants to laugh aloud—but doesn’t. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, not when there are feelings _everywhere_ , it seems.

Uncle Jim winces. “Great. If you didn’t say anything, then who did?”

Her mother crosses her arms. “So you did buy him a ring. Matthew was right.”

“Wait. You didn’t know?” Jim asks, looking confused. “But you…”

“A little trick I learned as a mom,” her mother says, fighting a smile as she glances at Joanna.

“Mom,” Joanna groans.

“A trick…” He blinks, mouth dropping open before he snapped it shut. “You were bluffing. God, and I fell for that.”

Her mom laughs. “Even if you hadn't, I would've figured out eventually. It's written all over your face, Jim.”

He groans exasperatedly. “Why does everyone think I got him a ring?”

“Because you did,” her mother says. “Because you’ve been together for the entire time you were in space. Five years is a long time, Jim, and you know he isn’t going to make the first move, not if you’re not ready.”

The air grows heavy between them, and Joanna tries hard not to read into what her mom just said. But she’s worried. What had caused Jim to drag his feet? If this problem isn't resolved, as it appears to be, would it...come back?

He sighs. “And I don’t want him to. I’ve put him out so many times, dragged him into space, I wanted to do this. For us. For him.”

“You've never put him out,” her mother murmurs.

His brow raises. “Not even that time when I was stupid—and ran away?”

Joanna blinks, not understanding, becoming sidetracked as Emmy began to fuss. She quietly lifts her little sister and holds her close, still listening carefully.

“You weren't yourself then, Jim, and there were other things that provoked you into doing it,” her mother says. “He never held that against you.”

“I guess that's water under the bridge, anyway,” he says quietly.

“I just want you to know that Matthew and I support you—completely.” She smiles warmly, breaking the tension. “And we will be proud to see you by Leonard’s side.”

He shakes his head, a perplexed expression on his face. “I have to admit, hearing that from you is a little surreal.”

“I mean every word,” she says simply.

He sets his coffee down just as her mother walks towards him. Joanna is just as surprised as Uncle Jim when her mother hugs him.

She pulls away slowly and stares straight into his eyes. “Even when the days are difficult—God knows what you'll face in the black—we will stand behind you, welcome you into this family. I know with a hundred percent certainty that Nora will be delighted that her son is marrying his soulmate.” She pauses, smiling ruefully. “Finally.”

His face relaxes, and Joanna is struck by his peaceful expression, the flush rising to his cheeks. He looks far younger than his thirty odd years. Like when she first met him when her dad had brought him home to Atlanta for the very first time. “Thank you, Jocelyn. That was exactly what I needed to hear.”

 

oOo

 

“She has your smile,” Leonard says, after he’s inspected Matthew’s prosthetic, and the pleasant-mannered bookstore owner is fixing his pant leg.

“Yeah?” Matthew looks up and grins.

An unmistakable pride fills his eyes that Leonard, being a father, as well, understands.

“She’ll have you tied around her finger before you know it.”

“Already am,” Matthew says with a short laugh.

Leonard finds himself grinning, too. “It’s impossible not to be.”

“I don’t mind.” Matthew shrugged. “I’m blessed. With two daughters and woman who loves me. How about you?”

Leonard’s smile falters. “What do you mean?”

Matthew stands straight, testing his leg with a bend of his knees. “You know what I mean. When’s the date?”

He can’t figure out a way out of this. He’s not like Jim, who can fly by the seat of his pants. He coughs into his hand. “There is no date.”

Matthew walks to the window, still testing his leg, and looks out, murmuring, “There will be.”

He decides to be completely honest. “We’re not engaged.”

“Surely you’ve discussed it,” Matthew says, then turns around. “Unless, if you don’t mind me asking, the Captain is averse to the idea?”

The answer to that question would get him into trouble. He couldn't let it get back to anyone. Not until he’d actually proposed and Jim had said yes.

“I do mind,” he says firmly. “Times have been...unprecedented.”

“I see.”

He isn’t sure that Matthew does understand. If Jim feels too pressured, even if the “m” word had made its way into their conversation earlier, Leonard is terrified that he’ll flee from any type of commitment. Not that Leonard has to be married to Jim to have one. He only wants Jim to know his dedication to him includes marriage, if he’ll have him. “Any discussion about Jim...is off limits.”

“Off limits?” Matthew’s brows hike to the ceiling. “Interesting.”

“Nothing interesting about it,” he says. “I simply want to respect his choice.”

Matthew regards him with a thoughtful look. “That’s one thing I’ve always admired about you, because I see it in Joanna.”

“Oh?”

“You respect your loved ones, and Joanna is the same way. She’s young, but she notices everything.” Matthew hesitates. “You and Jocelyn have made changes to your relationship, but she’s someone you love.”

Leonard blinks. “Well…”

“Oh, not in that sense,” Matthew says quickly, “but in a caring, brotherly way. It comes across as endearing. I can only imagine how you love the Captain behind closed doors, a man with many facets.” He gives a short laugh. “He has more sides to him than Jocelyn has. I suspect that though there’ve been many challenges, including Jim’s complicated past, and yours, that you counterbalance one another perfectly because of those difficulties. In fact, I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s more between you and Jim than meets the eye. You’re the very air that he breathes, and he’s your North Star. You’re interdependent, but stronger that way. Not weaker.”

Leonard blinks. Never has anyone said so many things that were real about his relationship with Jim. Never.

Matthew grows red. “Sorry. I got carried away. Blame the fact that I’m surrounded by poetry and fiction all day.”

“You did nothing wrong. I’m just surprised you’ve said so eloquently what I’ve felt for him for so long. It is special,” he then admits, almost reverently. “I’ve never met anyone quite like him.”

“He’s one in a million,” Matthew says, with a small smile. “Even not in love with him I can see that. Jocelyn, too. She’s remarked several times how perfect he is for you, even when you’re a little grumpy. He knows just what to say to shake you out of it.”

Leonard begins to chuckle. “Jocelyn and I were only good for each other for a short time.”

“Like a spark to a flame that quickly died out?”

“Yes,” he replies, a strange look growing on his face.

Matthew give him a small smile. “Jocelyn described it that way.”

“But in that time,” Leonard says, remembering. “I loved her enough to have Joanna. I’ll never regret that. I'll never regret giving you both my blessing, either.”

“We’re a strange family,” Matthew says, with a shake of his head. “I’m not complaining, because it sure beats the relationship Jocelyn and I have with our own folks, now that we’re married. We owe you and the Captain a lot of things.”

“Friendship with us isn’t costly.”

“The least we can do is offer you an open home whenever you are back.”

“We appreciate that,” he says, and smirks. “It’s grown quiet down there. I better go see what Jim has gotten himself into.”

“He’s eating more cookies than he’s icing,” a voice complains from the doorway.

Leonard turns to see his daugher. “Jojo? How long have you been standing there?”

“Not long,” she says, her chin up. “I just got here.”

He grunts, and makes to leave. “I better stop him before he goes into a sugar coma.”

Joanna reaches across and braces her arm against the doorway, blocking him from leaving. “But I need to talk to you, Daddy.”

“Now?” he asks.

Joanna peers past him to Matthew. “Yes. Alone.”

Matthew laughs. “I can take a hint. And I’ll do my best to confiscate the cookies from Captain Kirk.”

“Alright,” Leonard agrees.

Joanna drops her arm and watches as her other father walks down the hall. When he disappears around the corner, she enters the room, closing and locking the door behind her.

“Now what has gotten you so excited?” Leonard asks, folding his arms.

“It’s Uncle Jim,” she says, pacing with a small, adorable frown, rubbing her hands together in front of her.

She looks like her mother, when they’d been in high school. He blinks several times, the likeness almost too remarkable.

A scowl breaks her look of concentration. “Dad,” she whines. “Pay attention.”

“Jojo, is something wrong?’

“You could say that.”

“Jojo, should I be concerned?” He hates to ask, but he does. “Did you...have an argument?”

She stops and pivots slowly on her heel. “Nothing like that.”

He’s can’t deny he’s a little exasperated. “Then what is it?”

She narrows her eyes. “What I have to tell you is top-secret, Dad. You can’t tell Uncle Jim. Especially him.”

“I’m a doctor, Jojo, not a secret agent.”

She giggles with a snort, then tries her best to straighten her face. “Da-ad,” she pleads in a sing-song voice. “I’m serious!”

“So am I!”

She huffs, and stamps one foot. “Dad!”

“Okay, okay.” He hates having more secrets from him, but ‘tis the season. Surely one more won’t hurt. “I won’t tell him.”

“Good.” She nods. “Now listen and listen well…”

And a slow smile appears on her face, much like that of the Cheshire Cat.

He wonders, with a chagrined smile to himself, if he should be worried.

 

oOo

 

They’ve been at Jocelyn and Matthew’s for a while, when Jim is finally focused enough to wrap it. _It_. The gift of a lifetime.

He has the ring in its velvet pouch, and in its box, hidden underneath a few other presents, waiting to wrap it when Bones isn’t around.

For now, it remains hidden, since Bones is joining them first, per Joanna’s request. She was oddly adamant about Bones needing help wrapping.

Good thing he knew how to wrap a little better than Bones, or Jojo would be announcing his inept wrapping abilities to the rest of the house. Not that he had anything to boast about. But he had gotten a few tips from Nyota, already.

“You look ridiculous,” Bones remarks, setting down a box on the table in the dining room. He takes out a box from Macy’s, which Jim knows contains a cashmere scarf to Jocelyn from the both of them.

“Ridiculous? I say that it adds style.” Jim pats the red paper bow for packaging that is on the top of his head, before adjusting the silver, pink, and red ribbons around his neck. “Besides, these are my favorite colors to use when I wrap and I don’t want to lose them in this beautiful mess.”

He refers to the wrapping paper and a variety of colorful, sparkling trimmings spread haphazardly across the table.

“Beautiful?” Bones echoes, brow arched in doubt.

“It’s art,” he argues. “You can’t argue that it’s…” He grasps for a kind word for it. “Sparkly.”

“Without a doubt, it’s sparkly, Jim,” Bones says, shaking his head with a chuckle. “However, one has to wonder if a tornado ripped through here, too.”

“Hey! It’s not that bad.”

“I don’t know where one piece of paper begins and ends, Jim,” Bones says. He scratches his nose. “Or how my eyes can look at all these patterns and swirls—”

“Me neither,” Jojo interjects.

“Good God,” Bones exclaims, grabbing up a bright red Rudolph nose that is blinking obnoxiously. He stares down at it in a mixture of horror and confusion. “Where did you get this? That gag gift store you like so much?”

“As a matter a fact, yes.”

Bones rolls his eyes.

“It’s going on your gift, you know.” Jim winks at Jojo.

“It’s a little loud, though, Uncle Jim,” Jojo says calmly. “Maybe you should keep it, to cleaning this mess up a bit.”

“Where did my girl go and who is this imposter?” Jim complains.

“I thought Starfleet Captains were neat,” Jojo quips.

“Not when it comes to spreading cheer and goodwill.” Jim sticks a red bow to the top of Jojo’s head with a grin. “Now you look like me.”

She laughs and adds another to her head, a green one. “But cuter.”

“I’m offended,” Jim says, feigning hurt.

Bones rummages in the mess and tops Jim’s head with the fanciest gold bow he finds, which looks like it belongs on the top of the tree in Times Square, the way it nearly blinds him. “There. You’re equal. Now quit complainin’.”

“Geesh, Bones, it could use a little more sparkle,” he deadpans.

Bones picks up a roll of paper, inspecting it. “At least the two of you are even now. I’ve never known anyone so competitive.”

“Or beautiful.” Jim flutters his lashes at him. “I’ll never take it off.”

Jojo giggles.

Bones snorts. “Even in the captain’s chair?”

“ _Especially_ then.”

“You would,” Bones mutters. He looks around. “I thought we were having hot chocolate, too.”

“And pajamas?” Jim asks innocently.

A frown crosses Bones’s face. “I’m not wearin’ pjs. Not here. Not publically.”

“It’s not public, Bones. It's only us, and Matthew and Jocelyn.”

“Exactly.”

He doesn’t press him, because he does have a point. It would be a little weird to wear pajamas in front of one’s ex. “At least wear your Santa hat.”

He actually smiles at Jim. “Plan to tomorrow.”

Jim is confused. “What?”

Bones walks backwards, towards the door, like he’s sauntering. Or floating. It’s such an abrupt change in his behavior, that Jim scratches his head.

“You heard me,” Bones drawls. “Tomorrow.”

“But tomorrow is Christmas Eve? Not Christmas.”

“I think I’ll get us that hot chocolate,” Bones says. He taps the doorway, with a renewed energy. “Be right back.”

He’s gone in a flash.

“Well, that was weird,” Jim says, muttering, glancing at Jojo for confirmation.

Jojo says nothing, but fishes in Jim’s box of gifts on the table. “Anything in here for me?”

He laughs. “Like I’d even bring your present over here to wrap.”

She bats her eyes at him, like he had at her father. It is at times like these, he illogically believes she’s actually his child, with Bones, by blood.

“Nope,” he says, cracking a smile. “You’ll see it on Christmas.”

She sighs. “Was worth a try.”

Her eyes brighten as she lifts out the shopping bag with Emmy’s present. “Oh, for the baby?” she exclaims. A carriage is on the front, representing the store he’d purchased it from. “You bought her a present? That’s so sweet, Uncle Jim!”

He smiles softly. “Of course I bought her a present. I bought her three actually,” he admits sheepishly. “The other two are toys.”

“Did you get the right size?”

“Three to six months,” he states proudly. “I had Bones ask your mom.”

“Mom and I think you should propose to Daddy on Christmas Eve,” she announces.

It’s suddenly difficult to swallow. “What’s this? You’re planning when I’m proposing to your dad, now?”

“Mm-hmm,” she hums. “I mean, getting a present on Christmas Eve is something we never do around here.”

He knows for a fact that it has happened, because it's a new tradition that Matthew brought into their family.

“Never?” he asks.

“Well, almost never,” she admits. “I just mean that he wouldn’t expect it.”

“It would be special, but…”

That same knot he’d had before suddenly churns in his stomach.

“Uncle Jim?”

“That's a day early.”

She beams. “I know. And wouldn't it be grand?”

Jim inwardly smiles at her somewhat antiquated vocabulary. He can't break her heart and tell her no, can he? He can't say yes, either. Just when he'd finally been at peace, secure in his decision, he is thrown a curveball. A day early? And Jocelyn is in on this, too?

“Are you sure your mom said that?”

Joanna flushes. “Well...not exactly. But I’m sure she’d agree.”

“Jojo, a white lie is a lie,” he reprimands her.

She looks down, face pinched. “I’m sorry, Uncle Jim.”

“We all have things to work on, but we also talked about this,” he says gently.

It is a habit of hers, something that has been of concern since this past summer. Bones thinks it’s the change with the baby, and believes she’ll come around. Jim thinks so, too, but it does concern him because he can quickly see through her, sometimes more than her own parents can. Thanks to all the trouble he’d gotten himself into when he’d returned home from Tarsus. As a teenager. Trouble meaning...bad company.

“I know it was wrong. I’ll try not to do this again.” She looks up, biting her lower lip. “I just get...all mixed up about it inside.”

“Okay, I know you’re being honest with me now,” he says softly. In his opinion, an “I’ll try” was better than a “never,” because “never” is awfully hard to live up to. “I’ll count on you to hold to that promise.”

She relaxes her shoulders. “I will.” She looks at the box again. “So is it in there?”

Jim looks back over his shoulder. Maybe he could wrap it, if Bones is busy with the snacks. “It is, and we can wrap it, but we have to be fast.”

“Okay,” she says. She takes something out of her own bag and sets it on the table. “Use this.”

He narrows his eyes. It's a box. A large, square one, at least a foot wide. “I know we want to disguise this a little, but that’s huge, Jojo.”

She grins. “I know. So, ya with me?”

He decides to trust her. “Okay,” he says, arching a brow. “But if my gift gets lost, it’s on you, kid.”

“It won’t.” She takes the lid off and pulls something out of the box.

Another box.

“It’s nesting boxes,” she explains.

He slowly grins. “Smart.”

She smiles back, looking pleased.

He tugs on the pink ribbon from his neck, then the silver, and holds them out to her. No, Bones wasn’t fond of pink, though he liked this one pink shirt Jim had bought at a concert on their last shore leave, but this was all about...disguise. “We’ll add this when we’re all done. I don’t think Baby Emmy will mind if I share her ribbons with Bones.”

She giggles. “Perfect.”

 

oOo

 

Nora waits on her back porch for her boys to arrive home from the party, sipping on her own cup of hot cocoa. Matthew had brought her home early, while the others continued to drink hot cocoa and enjoy each other’s company, whether it was games, or wrapping presents, or watching movies. She, however, had had to ready the guest room for Donna, who would be arriving sometime tomorrow afternoon. She hadn’t prepared the room before now because Leonard often liked using the small desk in the corner, and he would’ve noticed right away. Given that Donna’s arrival is unexpected, and she wants to surprise her brother, Nora had done all that she could to keep the secret.

Seems like everyone is keeping a secret or two this year.

She smiles to herself. Has no one but her realized that Jocelyn has eaten little over the past few days? Complained about fatigue? She’d been the same way with Baby Emmy. And Joanna, all those years ago.

Then there is Jim. He’s never been skittish around Leonard before. It’s strange to see the level-headed captain not act level-headed at all. He has nothing to worry about, wanting to ask for Leonard's hand in marriage.

She sighs, and sets her mug down on the small table beside her. She can’t forget about Leonard. He knows he can’t leave Jim high and dry, like this. That is, he’d know if he realized what’s going on inside that head of Jim’s.

She’s surprised he hasn’t seen for himself what’s happening before his eyes—but couldn't see. Maybe Joanna could help him with that.

The door to the porch creaks. She holds her breath, looks back, and sees her son frowning and inspecting the hinges. “I do mean to fix that door.”

“Let me do it, Mama,” he says. He comes over to her and sits on the swing. Leaving a space large enough for Jim beside him, had he been on the porch, too.

“Where’s Jim?”

Leonard raises his arms and crosses them behind his head. “He needed to comm his mother.”

She’s surprised. To her knowledge, Jim rarely comms his mother. Although, it is the holidays. And, maybe, she thought with great hope, that relationship is finally reconciled.

“Is she well?” she asks.

“According to Jim, she sent a message to him that she missed him,” Leonard lowers his arms and rubs his face. “She’s used that ploy before, though. I told him to be careful. Keep to his plans.”

She’s not sure what to say, now. “Watch out for him.”

“I do.”

“Do you?”

He blinks, then looks at her with a frown. “I’m not sure why you’re asking me, when Jim is...he means everything to me.”

“Just wanted to make sure,” she says, smoothing out a wrinkle in her shirt.

“Mama, I’d do anything for him.”

“I know.”

“Mama,” he says with increased intensity.

“Mmhmm. Sometimes, as time passes, we forget that we still need to work at that.”

He closes his eyes and sighs. “What did I do?”

“Is Jim ever at a loss for words?”

He sighs for a second time, leans his head back against the swing, and stares up, as if the ceiling were burgeoning with stars. “Not usually.”

“Are you certain?”

He looks at her, gaze soft. “Mama.”

“I think it’s sweet.”

His eyes are wet. “Think he’ll say yes?”

“Without a doubt.” She can see it play out right before her very eyes. “Don't you know? You’re his very air.”

“You're the second person to tell me that today.”

She’s so pleased, she claps her hands. “I’m getting another son.”

His lips quirk at the corners. “Another son. Ya ready for that?”

“Ready for what?” Jim says, briskly striding out onto the porch.

He’s at Leonard’s side in a blink, holding his hand and beaming.

“What’s got you so happy?” Leonard says, inspecting him from head to toe.

Jim smiles. “So, my Mom.”

“Yeah?” Leonard asks hesitantly.

“She said, stay here as long as I’d like, as long as I’m back for New Year’s Eve.”

Leonard exchanges a look with Nora. “Really.”

“I didn’t believe it either, but she…” Jim clears his throat, and to her surprise, squirms on the swing. Nora fights a smile. “She said they wouldn’t mind.”

“That’s a huge step, Jim.”

Jim gives a short laugh. “You’re tellin’ me. She seems a lot more mellow these days. I’m going to take advantage of it, but maybe surprise them by coming the day before.”

“She’ll like that,” Leonard says quietly.

Nora suddenly gets up from her seat. “Well, I believe I’ll leave you two boys out here and retire for the night.”

Leonard startles. “You don’t have to leave, Mama.”

She leans down and kisses his cheek. “No, but Christmas is a time for lovers.”

A flush rises on her son’s face. She’s pleased that he’s still so sensitive about their relationship, their privacy as a couple. To her, it’s an indication that they’re treating each other well. That their love, though matured, is youthful in its essence.

“But—”

“No buts.” She kisses Jim’s cheek, too, noting his eyes are shining more brightly than ever. “You both make me so happy.”

“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Jim says apologetically.

“You didn’t. I’m an old woman and need my rest. I’ll see you two in the morning,” she adds firmly, and leaves them alone in the moonlight.

 

oOo

 

When Christmas Eve comes around, the very next day, Jim notes the difference in Jojo’s demeanor right off the bat. As Leonard and Matthew are helping in the kitchen, heeding Jocelyn’s orders with the food, Jim takes it upon himself to find his best girl.

He sits across from Jojo, sharing her window seat, and leans his back against the wall. “You okay, Jojo?”

She gazes out the window, tight-lipped.

He settles in his seat a little more, now sitting cross-legged, like her. “Well, I have as long as you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Don’t say that,” she whispers. “Next Christmas you won’t be here.”

Jim’s heart sinks. “No, I won’t be,” he affirms honestly, for there is no beating around the bush with this child, “but I’m here now, Jojo. Do you think we can try to enjoy our time together, while we can?”

She nods once. “I guess.”

“I have several months, some of which I’m sure will be here, in Georgia with you.”

“It’s just...five years, Uncle Jim.” Her voice is small. “I knew it would be five years last time, but didn't really know how it would feel. Now I know what it r-really means....Oh, Uncle Jim,” she finishes with a cry.

“Come here,” he murmurs, and opens his arms.

She sniffs, and crawls over to him, then huddles against his chest. He hasn’t held her on his laps in years, and she’s grown so much since then, but she fits in his arms. As his shirt grows wet with her tears, he’s not certain how to proceed other than to hold her close.

He hears the others from the kitchen, but the curtains provide them with a thin shelter against discovery. It’s enough for now. He doesn’t let her go, but wraps an arm gently around her head, bracing her against his chest. Her emotions run deep. Just like her father’s. He should've known these emotions were primed to erupt all at once.

_He should’ve known._

 

oOo

 

“Why don’t you sit down, Jocelyn?” Nora asks. “I’ll take care of the rest.”

Hearing something in her voice that he can't quite pinpoint, Leonard finishes loading the dishwasher and turns around.

Joce sweeps the back of her hand across her forehead. “I think I just might do that.”

He assesses her with a critical eye, noting she had grown pale. “Are you feeling well, Joce?”

“Not very,” she says, easing onto the barstool closest to her. “Nothing that a little time won’t cure. Seven more months.”

He makes the calculation in his head. “You’re…?”

She smiles, wearily. “Yes, but Jojo doesn't know.”

“My lips are sealed. Congratulations to you and Matthew.”

“I’m so happy for you, dear,” Nora says, coming over to her with a mug in her hand that appears to have come out of nowhere. “Why don’t you drink this? It will help.”

“It’s a little earlier than we wanted it to happen. It doesn’t give Joanna much time to adjust to this one, but after this, we don't plan on having any more children.” Her smile falters. “I just wish...my own family would be supportive.”

“They will be, in time.” Nora says, taking her hand and squeezing it.

“Have they seen Emmy?” Leonard asks.

“Three times,” Jocelyn says, mouth drawing into a thin line. “A day after she was born. Then a month later. The third time was more recent, when they came here in the afternoon while Matthew was at work.”

Leonard can’t imagine being in the position that she’s in. Once she’d married Matthew, a man whose father is a rival businessman of her family’s, they’d disowned her. They only kept in touch sporadically to see Joanna, and now Emmy.

He nods. “They’ll be asking to see her again, Joce. How can they not? She’s an angel.”

“That means a lot, Leonard,” Jocelyn says. “Thank you.”

He’s about to say more, but Matthew walks into the room.

Matthew smiles at his wife. “Good. You’re resting.” He turns to Leonard. “You might want to go check on them.”

The ‘them’ could only mean Jim and Jojo. “Is there something wrong?”

“You could say that,” Matthew says quietly. “I’m just not sure...about what. Jojo is in tears.’

Jocelyn gets up, but Matthew comes over to her, shaking his head. “I think this is something Leonard should take care of. Leonard and Jim.”

“Oh,” Joce says, eyes wide. “Alright.”

He starts to leave, but his mother’s voice stops him. “If the doorbell rings, will you answer it please, Leonard? I might have my hands tied back here.”

He hesitates. It’s an odd request, especially when they were about to eat. “I thought you were done—”

“Leonard,” she says. “Please?”

“Of course.”

He leaves and approaches the two dark shapes behind the curtain at the front window. One seems to be rocking back and forth, another sniffling.

His stomach twists, but just a little. It isn’t like Jojo to cry, especially when Uncle Jim is around. He pulls the curtains gently apart. “I’m missing the party, I see,” he says softly.

Jim’s smile is clearly forced. “Would have sent you an invite, but we’re full. Plumb out of room.”

He glances down at his daughter, who is rubbing her eyes. “Jojo, sweetheart’?”

“I’m okay now, Uncle Jim, Daddy,” she says, pushing away from his chest. She peers up at him, blotchy-faced.

He can’t ignore the splotches of red on her face. “You’re crying.”

She shrugs, a confusing gesture. Hadn’t she been upset? And needing comfort from her Uncle Jim?

“Uh...yeah. I was crying, Daddy. I’m not anymore.”

He looks at Jim for some help, but his gaze is on the floor. He clamps his mouth shut before he says anything else so obvious—or ask Jim what’s bothering him. He isn’t sure he should ask with Jojo around.

“I just needed to cry,” she says frankly. “Like mom does sometimes. I feel better.”

When Jim lifts his head, his eyes are drawn and expression is shuttered.

Leonard knows immediately that something isn’t right.

“If you’re sure,” Jim says.

“Yeah. I’m sure, Uncle Jim.” She slips out of his reach, and gives Leonard a hug. “Thank you, Daddy.”

“For what? I didn’t do anything.”

“For coming to get me just in time. I’m hungry.”

She’s flitting away before he can get another word in, or ask what the problem had been in the first place. He looks at Jim. “Wanna tell me what that was all about?”

Jim runs his hands over his face. “Not really,” he says, voice rough. “It’s just between me and Jojo.”

His daughter and Jim, having a secret from him? It’s a little hard to take. Yet, isn’t that exactly what he’s doing, too?

He’s not sure he wants to be kept in the dark, but he’ll respect Jim, even when it hurts. “Okay,” he agrees.

Jim drops his hands. His eyes aren’t red-rimmed like Jojo’s, but they’re tormented just the same. “I’m sorry, Bones. Maybe that was rude of me to ask of you. She’s your daughter.”

He wants to correct Jim, say that she’ll be his, too, but refrains. “Don’t apologize. If you need to talk about it, I’m all ears. Until then, I won’t press you.”

Jim slips from his seat and wraps his arms around him, resting his chin on his shoulder as he murmurs in his ear the four words he dreams of every night. “I love you, Bo—”

_Ding-dong!_

The moment is broken by the doorbell. Leonards groans, presses his forehead against Jim’s. “I’ll be right back. Mama wanted me to get the door.”

Jim backs away. “Sure. No problem.”

It isn’t until well after he's struck speechless at the front door, and staring at the sister he hasn’t seen in years, that he realizes his boyfriend has disappeared.

That his mama might have been right—and Jojo had beaten her to it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little cliffhanger, but you already know this is a happy ending story...and that will come soon. :) I wanted to note that I increased the rating of this story, but sometimes I just like leaving more to the imagination. ;)
> 
> If I don't get the next part posted before Christmas, it will be shortly after. I wish you all a safe and happy holiday if I don't post before then! I hope you liked the chapter. I'd love to hear if you did! Thanks! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay in getting this chapter posted. Thank you for being patient and understanding. Thank you, also, for the well wishes. We keep passing the sickies around in our house, but I'm sure as soon as the holidays are over, we'll get back to normal, of course. :D
> 
> Diamondblue4 and junker5 - I'm so grateful for your willingness to read and edit my stories. A mere thank you seems so small, in comparison to the thankfulness I hold in my heart for that and for your sweet friendship. Hugs.
> 
> To all of my readers...I truly hope you enjoy this final installment. Fluffy angst - and a happy ending - straight ahead! :)

...ooOoo...

 

You Give Me Feelings I Adore

 

Chapter Three

 

...ooOoo…

 

Jim eases himself out onto flattest part the roof—and the other side of the stars than he's used to.

This has to be breaking “partying at your boyfriend’s ex’s house” protocol. It's Christmas Eve, and he's hiding on Jocelyn and Matthew’s _roof_. Sneaking out through a second story window isn’t exactly polite. It’s more like an invasion of privacy, especially since he’d had to go through their bedroom to get here.

He won’t go back inside. What's done is done, and he'll have to make the best of it if they find him huddled on top of their house like Santa Claus’s reindeer. Or if they find him after he falls. Or if anything else happens while he’s on the roof, soul searching.

Jim sighs and brings his knees up, leaning his arms on them as he tilts his head back to stare up at the sky. At least he hasn’t had any alcohol. Bones will chew him a new one for coming out here sober as it is, let alone if he were drunk and in danger of falling.

He tips his head more, eyes scanning the sky. The stars blink, their twinkling reminding him of the lights in Joanna’s window seat.

 _Joanna_.

He’s far from being cut out to be a father. Especially to a child like Jojo, who’s the adored, treasured daughter of the man he loves.

When he’d spoken earlier with his mother, the future had been bright. Finally, after weeks of deliberating, he could say with certainty that he knew exactly what he was going to say to Bones other than the standard, “Will you marry me?”

Jojo had helped him along, convinced that tonight was the best night to propose to her dad. Even Jocelyn had encouraged him. How could he not go through with this, with them on his side?

It feels unreal, too good to be true. And that's because it _is_ too good to be true. They know him, but not completely. He's absolutely certain that Bones has never told them the truth about his life as an adolescent.

If they knew...they’d agree. He’s unfit to be a father, as his mother had been unfit to be a mother years ago. At times, he hates his perfect memory. He remembers it as if it had been yesterday. Child Services had come to call after he’d returned from Tarsus, at age thirteen, and, though he’d been fine taking care of himself, and his mother, too, he’d been placed in a foster home (or two, or three, or four) for months. He should've gone home when his mother was well. Until he’d been sent to Juvie—again.

He’d spent at least one Christmas there. Three, if his memory serves him right. Not consecutively, however. He’d had a bit of a respite at one time, when he’d managed to avoid the police.

Years of being a Starfleet captain could only change a person so much. He is, at heart, who he’d been all those years ago. Now more refined through experience, yes, but overall, the same. Who knows what demons parenting would stir up in him?

Bones...marry him? When all he has managed to do is be the root to Jojo’s heartache?

Jim quells the self-doubt and guilt as much as he can. He’d bottle up his fears for Bones’s sake, for the sister who’d come to town in hopes of reconciliation with her family. He wants nothing more than to get through the evening unheard, unseen, and unnoticed. At the very least, to keep things the same between them so there is never any doubt that he’s capable of being in a relationship.

For he’s not sure, as he thinks of his error with regard to Jojo, and the ones that he could make in the future, that he should be in a relationship that is headed for longevity.

At all.

 

oOo

 

After speaking with his sister for about thirty minutes, and promising to return as soon as he can, Leonard slips away to locate Jim. He has no luck and determines his best bet to find him—is Jocelyn.

Frenemy or not, she has a woman’s sixth sense for finding children who are determined on hiding. If it worked for finding Jojo, it’ll work for locating Jim.

He finds her in the kitchen. Thankfully, she’s alone.

She looks up from the bowl of ice cubes she is emptying into the punch. “Leo? Everything okay?”

Leonard begins by saying. “Have you see Jim?”

She adds more ice cubes and stirs the drink, shaking her head. “I’m sorry. I haven’t but I was actually just wondering the same thing.”

He stares at the punch, layers disappearing in a swirl as she stirs them together. Donna had arrived and with so much history to clear between them, he’d only been able to break away from her and his mother a few moments ago.

“Where do you think he could’ve gone?” he asks. It isn’t like Jocelyn and Matthew’s house is a mansion. It’s fairly large, with plenty of room to host a Christmas party, but it isn’t a luxury condo. “I’ve looked in the window seat, the spare bedroom here on the first floor. The garage and basement. I haven’t found a single sign of him.”

Jocelyn stopped stirring, setting the spoon down on the counter. “Have you tried upstairs by any chance?

“It isn’t like Jim to go wandering and snooping around someone’s house.”

“No,” she says, “but we’re family.”

He’s beginning to think they actually are again.

“And Jim is...” she adds, hesitating. “He’s thinking. A lot.”

She gives him a look, one that lasts seemingly forever.

He can’t deny that he’s confused. “So you know that he…” His heart flutters as he guesses. “Bought me a ring?”

He can’t believe that he’d even asked that of her. Then she has the audacity to smile at him, like it’s an everyday occurrence.

He wonders if she’s more ill than she lets on from this second pregnancy.

She nods. “Yes, I do. And from what I know, he’s not entirely sure how to proceed from there.”

If he’s the cause of Jim’s disappearance, his uncertainty, his cold feet, he will never forgive himself.

“Dammit,” he breathes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “And he’s fled the scene. What could have set him off?”

“I’m beginning to think the two of you are a little dense sometimes, when it comes to each other.”

He scowls. “I don’t think that’s appropriate, Joce.”

“Leonard, it’s just an observation,” she says gently. “Didn’t Joanna talk with him recently? When she was on the window seat?”

“Yes.”

She hums. “About?”

His daughter’s tear-stained face comes to mind. “Not sure.”

She gives him a look. “Does it matter?”

“I wouldn’t pry.”

“Does it matter?” she repeats. “I know if Joanna was upset, Jim has to be, too, whatever it was about.”

He wants to hate the fact that she's right, but he finds himself feeling grateful. “I’ll look upstairs.”

“Don’t forget to look in our bedroom,” she calls out as he leaves the kitchen, fighting a smile.

He pauses to make a face at her. “Joce.”

She shrugs, as if the notion doesn't bother her. “If he wants to be alone, he probably thinks you wouldn’t dare pass through it.”

He groans. He’ll chew Jim a new one. Jocelyn and Matthew’s room? For Christ’s sakes...

“And don’t trip on Matthew’s shoes,” she calls to him as he walks out. “He has a habit of leaving them on the floor. Just like you did.”

“Funny,” he says over his shoulder.

It's the first place he searches.

 

oOo

 

Jim’s eyes are just beginning to close when the window opens behind him.

“Dammit, man. The roof?” Bones complains, stepping out.

“You found me.”

“Jocelyn did.”

Jim frowns. “Jocelyn?”

“Well, not really. I just think, somehow, that she knew you were up here,” Bones comments, clothes rustling. “Not a good idea to sleep on a roof, you know.”

“That’s why I have you.” He opens his eyes to find Bones staring down at him. “You came just in time.”

“You’re an idiot, sometimes,” Bones says, his eyes dark and worried, a hint of anger in their depths. “The roof? And you’re sleeping?”

“Yeah, probably isn't my best idea,” he admits. “I just...needed some time...away.”

“Next time, bring me with you.” He sits down carefully beside him, before lying back next to Jim.

“And if I needed time away from you?” he jokes, belatedly.

Bones sucks in a breath. He turns his head and looks at him. “Do you?”

Jim averts his eyes. “Maybe I need some time away from _me_ ,” he mutters.

“What does that mean?”

He’s not sure what it means, himself.

Bones sighs. “I know what it is.”

Jim’s heart thumps wildly. And he’s held this so close to his chest. Relatively. “You do?”

“Yes. You’re thinking too much. All ya had to do was ask.”

He practically chokes. “Excuse me?”

“I said, all ya had to do was—”

“No way,” he blurts. “I’m not going to ask you, on a damn roof, Bones. I mean, I won’t ask like it’s a date, or a request on the ship, or…cause it’s not. It’s more. It’s...” His voice fades completely when Bones just blinks at him, like he has no idea what he is talking about. “Wh-what were you going to say to me?”

“Are ya done, Tennyson?” Bones deadpans.

He flushes, hoping he doesn’t see his red face in the moonlight.

“I meant ask for time alone. Instead of coming out here, ya moron,” Bones complains.

“Oh.”

“I would have just given you some space.” Bones reaches out and gently grasps Jim’s chin, the pads of his fingers soft. “Jim.”

“Did you put lotion on before coming out here?” he wonders.

Bones looks at him like he’s grown two horns. “What?”

“Your hands. They’re really soft, Bones. I would say like a baby’s...you know...but I won’t, in case that would offend you.”

Bones’s lips twitch adorably at the corners. “Are they now?”

“Yes.”

He drops his hand. “Hmph.”

Jim smiles. “You did, didn’t you?”

“Saw some of that lotion of Joce’s in the bathroom, that she used to use,” he says roughly. “I’d always liked it.”

Jim bursts out in a laugh. “So, you come here, use your ex-wife's lotion?”

“So you come here, walk through their bedroom, out onto the roof?”

They look at each other.

Jim snorts. “Pot, k—”

“—kettle,” Bones interrupts. He runs the back of his finger down Jim’s cheek. “How does that feel? Still soft?”

“Very.” He closes his eyes, wanting Bones’s attention for the rest of his life. “Did you do that before or after you noticed I was missing?”

“Doesn’t matter, what matters is that you know I love you, James T. Kirk.”

_I love you, James T. Kirk._

He’s never heard anything sexier come from Bones’s mouth. A lump catches in his throat, a stir begins in his groin. “I know.”

Bones slips an arm around him, unexpectedly, and literally yanks him so that he's close and tucked against his shoulder. Jim’s own breath catches, as he looks up through his lashes and watches Bones gaze up at the stars. “So will you tell me why you really came out here?”

 _The ring_. It’s difficult to swallow, to not blubber his real feelings, and completely ruin his plan to propose, but he manages to hold back. Barely. “No.”

“I see.” Bones slips his free hand into his pocket. “Well, then…”

Jim watches him fish deep inside his pocket. “Lose something?”

Bones grins crookedly, but doesn’t look at him. “No, not at all.”

He loves the way his drawl thickens. “Looks like it.”

Bones pulls his hand out, but Jim can’t see what it is in the darkness. “I found it, and now I’m going to give it to ya.”

“I don’t need anything,” he lies. “Just you.”

“You have me.”

Not in the way he wants. Or doesn’t deserve. “I made Jojo cry.”

“Yeah? So have I.”

Jim huffs. “I’m serious, Bones.”

Bones clears his throat. “Go on, then. Tell me. Though I imagine, it isn’t any worse than the time I gave Jojo the bad news that her hamster had died.”

Jim winces. “She had to be what...three? Four?”

“Yes. Worst day of my life,” Bones says, and, in Jim’s opinion, a gross exaggeration.

“She probably thought it’d live forever,” he says.

Bones shakes his head. “That wasn't it. That was the day I realized I had to find a new life for myself because Jocelyn had served me papers.”

He knows immediately where this is heading. “I think I’ll go in,” he blurts out, before Bones can explain.

He sits up, feels the hand pressed against his back, and gets to his feet, anyway. He’s been out here long enough. Worse, he’s brought Bones out here, too, away from those he loves.

“Jim, stay.”

He smiles, but his heart isn’t in it. “Let’s go in, okay? I know your sister wants to see you.” _While she still can_. “Jojo, too.”

Before he takes him away from all of them.

“Wait, Jim.”

He ignores the request to stay and turns, and makes his way carefully to the window. “Bones, better not use Joce’s lotion again. She could notice, and then what would you do? God, Bones, what if she says something about it in front of Matthew? Or Donna. Christ, Bones. Or your mo—”

Bones sighs, but it’s more like a frustrated growl, cutting him off. “Jim, would you just slow down and wait for one damned minute?”

For some reason he can’t pinpoint, his request makes him antsy and he can’t wait to be mingling downstairs with the crowd. “I’m hungry, and all I can think of is food,” he says, relieved Bones isn’t far behind him, after all. “So, what would you do if she notices?”

“I’d tell her you bought me some for Christmas, but had no idea she uses it, too.”

Jim sneaks through the window, landing like a cat in the bedroom. “That would be a lie, Bones.”

He finds his way through the dimly lit bedroom, wondering how the hell he can grab the present that he’d placed under the tree earlier today, without anyone noticing him in the process. If he can’t propose to Bones on a damn roof, alone, then there is no way he’ll be able to propose in front of anyone.

He’s so focused on what's ahead of him that he misses what's behind him.

Bones watches him, worriedly, and stuffs the item he's holding in his hands back into his front pocket. “Yeah, Jim,” he mutters. “I suppose it would be.”

 

oOo

 

Jojo can’t believe her eyes when she sees Uncle Jim stealing his gift from under their tree and putting it in a bag. Just like the Grinch.

She rushes into the living room, rage filling her. “What are you doing?” she hisses, though no one is even in the room to hear.

Jim leaps to his feet, bag slung over his shoulder, looking guiltily at her. As he should. How can he possibly be stealing his gift?

Jim scratches his head. “I...um. Jojo. Hey.”

She crosses her arms, glaring at him. “You’re taking Dad’s gift.”

He peers past her. “Yeah. About that.”

“Ya can’t take it,” she says, standing up to him with her chin lifted.

“I can,” he says quietly. “If it’s mine to give, Jojo, it’s mine to take.”

“He already knows the box is there. You're...you're like the Grinch!”

A flash of hurt crosses Jim's face. “He hasn’t even given it a second glance, to look at the tag. He doesn't know it’s for him, or that it’s from me,” he points out.

“So you aren’t going to ask him to marry you?” She wants to cry.

Jim’s eyes widen, as if in horror. “No! No, Jojo. Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m….going to ask him. I just think...I need to wait.”

She feels her knees knocking together. “You’re getting cold feet,” she whispers. A painful roll in her stomach brings her to her knees. “Oh, Uncle Jim.”

How could he do this to her dad? To her? To _them_?

“Shit,” he breathes. “That’s not what I mean, either.”

She huddles, on the floor, with her arms around herself. “Don’t swear. Mama says it’s bad.”

“Sorry,” Jim breathes, kneeling in front of her. “Listen, Jojo, it really isn’t as bad as it looks _or_ sounds”

“It is,” she insists, now too numb to cry. “You’re breaking up with him, aren’t you?”

“What?”

She feels a swell of hysteria in her chest. How would her dad ever recover from this? He loves Jim. He loves him. “Why’d ya have to do it on Christmas Eve? Why—”

Jim quickly covers her mouth, eyes flashing down at her. “You have to be quieter, Jojo. That’s an order,” he adds sternly.

Shaking, she nods.

He still doesn’t let go of her. “I’m not breaking up with him. I need to...to regain my courage, that’s all. This is a big step, Jojo, and I don’t want to mess it up. Do you understand?”

She nods again, her eyes as wide as saucers.

“Your dad deserves more from me.” He stops and sighs, looks at her as if she doesn't understand. And maybe she doesn’t. But, she knows her Uncle Jim well enough to understand that if he says he needs time, that maybe...he actually does need time.

Though, she doesn’t think he needs time at all. They’ve had five years. More than five years together. What more can Uncle Jim need before asking her dad to marry him?

“I need to clear my mind a little more, Jojo,” he continues softly, as if he’d read her mind. “I need...tonight. Alright?”

“But, Uncle Jim,” she tries to say, but her words are muffled. His hand still covers her mouth.

His eyes narrow. “If I let go, will you keep it down?”

She pauses in thought, then vigorously nods.

“Good.” He lets go, and sits back on his haunches.

She massages her mouth. He’d been gentle with her, but it felt strange, nonetheless. “You’ll ask him tomorrow?”

He hesitates. “Jojo, let’s not talk about that.”

She wills herself not to cry. It’s pointless, however. Deep down, she understands that willing herself to do anything just isn’t going to work. Not in a situation like this.

She stands. “I think I’ll go now.”

He looks up at her, resigned. “Jojo, please, don’t misunderstand me.”

“I’m not,” she sniffs, trying with all her might to make it true. “I won’t say a word.”

“Jojo—”

She stubbornly shakes her head and heads for the kitchen. Her mother is probably there. If not, her Nana would be. Maybe Daddy Matthew. “‘Night, Uncle Jim.”

“Don’t go away angry with me,” he pleads. “I won’t be able to sleep tonight, kiddo.”

She stops just before the doorway. Her shoulders slump. Neither will she, but for different reasons. She can’t imagine Uncle Jim not becoming her dad, too. And her father, unhappy yet again.

She turns around and looks sadly at him. “I’m not angry, Uncle Jim,” she says honestly.

She’s disappointed.

His smile is one of relief. “Good,” he breathes. “That’s good to hear.”

“I’ll make sure Daddy stays on the porch a minute, before coming to get you,” she promises, half-heartedly. She’ll do it, if only to spare him from getting suspicious of anything. Thus, sparing Uncle Jim from answering questions he obviously doesn't want to answer—and making her father even more suspicious.

Basically, to spare her father the pain of rejection.

He stands and shifts the bag on his shoulder. “Thank you, Jojo.”

Leaving the room, her heart drags on the floor behind her, though her fists are as tightly clenched as ever.

 

oOo

 

He’s on the porch, talking with his mama and Donna and reminiscing on the holidays they’d had when his father had been alive, when he hears Jojo’s voice through the open window of the kitchen.

“ _You gotta stop him, Mom!”_

_“Joanna, dear. Please tell me what this is about.”_

“Is that Joanna?” Donna asks, her expression confused. “Do you think everything is okay?”

He strains to listen at first, but then the voices inside increase in intensity.

“ _He’s taking it! You can’t let him!”_

_“Slow down, Joanna, and start from the beginning.”_

“Not sure,” he murmurs, just as confused as the rest of them.

Nora turns to him, concern rising in her eyes. “Sounds urgent, Leonard,” she says. An unspoken request that he look into it immediately fills the air between them.

“And dramatic.” He stands, smiling apologetically at his mother and sister. “I’ll see what the problem is.” He squeezes his mother’s shoulder. “But I shall return.” He leans down and kisses his mother’s cheek. “Would you like more iced tea when I come back?”

“Yes, please.”

He turns to his sister. “Donna?”

“No, thank you,” she says softly. “But, maybe coffee?”

He arches a brow, amused. “At this hour?”

She smiles. “Old habits die hard, Leo.”

“Coffee, it is, then.” He enters the kitchen, eyeing both his ex-wife and daughter cautiously.

Jocelyn is looking exasperatedly at their daughter, and their daughter….Well. Leonard isn’t sure. It appears as if Joanna is actually close to tears for the second time in one day.

The situation has Jim Kirk written all over it.

“What seems to be the trouble,” he asks gently, looking at Jocelyn, first, for answers.

Her face is pinched. “I’m not really sure, but I have an idea.”

“I told you, Mom,” Jojo insists. “He took the box right from under the tree!”

“Box?” he echoes. “You mean, one of the gifts?” That is a bit strange.

Joanna groans and hides her face in her hands.

Jocelyn sighs, continues to wipe the corners down. “Maybe you should wait outside, Leo, while I handle this.”

“No,” he objects. “If this has to do with Jim, I'd like to be informed.”

“Of course it has to do with him,” Joce mutters. “The man’s in love with you.”

He freezes. Only for a moment. “What was in the box, Jojo?”

She scoots off the bar stool. “Nothin’, Daddy.”

He grabs her arm before she can walk out the kitchen, leaving everything a mystery. “Jojo, sweetheart.”

She looks helplessly at Jocelyn. “Mo-om!”

“Oh!” Jocelyn exclaims, hand to her mouth. “Jojo, you mean...the box... _that_ box?”

Jojo bites her lip and nods.

Jocelyn turns to him, flint in her eyes. “You didn’t fix things, did you? After what I told you, you didn’t really talk to him!”

Her accusation is like a punch in the gut. He takes a step back, letting go of Jojo in the process. “He didn’t want to talk. It wasn’t...the right time.”

Jocelyn rolls her eyes. “You are dense when it comes to Jim.”

“Hey—” he protests.

“Listen, Len,” she continues, hands on her hips. “You two are tip-toeing around each other, at my house, and our holiday party. You’re distracting me, your mother, Joanna, probably Donna, too. Enough is enough!”

He runs his hands through his hair. “Dammit, it’s not that bad, is it?”

“Yes, it is, Daddy!” Jojo cries, her eyes wet and filled with worry. “Uncle Jim. H-he’s turning into the Grinch! And it’s all your fault.”

He stares at her, befuddled. Jim? The Grinch? What the hell? “Because he took back his gift?”

Jojo’s lower lip trembles like it did at age seven, when he last saw her, but her expression had all the bravado and concern of a young woman. “Your gift, Daddy. Yours.”

_His?_

He recalls only one box Jim set under the tree. And it had been pretty damn large. “But, that gift...it’s a big box.”

“It’s yours, daddy,” Joanna whispers. “Yours. And Uncle Jim’s. Even mine.”

“But how can it b—”

“It’s yours, Len,” Jocelyn affirms.

“But—”

“And mine,” Jojo repeats, in an earnest but hushed voice.

He huffs. “That makes no sense.”

Her pert nose rises in the air. “It should...it makes us a family.”

A family?

When it hits him, the implications of his stupidity hitting him in the head like a painful sugar rush, he groans. “Dammit, James... _Tiberius_...Kirk. Of all the…”

Jocelyn’s long, knowing sigh forces him to reluctantly turn around.

“I didn’t do anything, to make him get cold feet, you know,” he says, pointing a finger at her before she could shout more accusations at him. “Nothing.”

Strangely enough, he doesn’t believe that Jim had gotten cold feet in the traditional sense, meaning that Jim doesn’t want to marry him. He’s confident Jim does want to tie the knot, but he’s not confident that he can fix whatever the underlying worry is that is going through the younger man’s mind.

“That’s the problem, Len,” she says simply. “You tried, but when it comes down to it, you didn’t do a single thing, even knowing he’s as nervous as you were when you proposed to me…maybe more.”

His mouth snaps shut as she hesitates. He remembers his feelings on the matter, all too well. Jocelyn is still beautiful, but as a very young woman, she’d been absolutely stunning, and her father quite intimidating. He’d been so nervous, his nerves strung wire tight, that he’d nearly pissed in his pants.

“And he needs you, to, Daddy,” Jojo says, crushing him with a hug. “Please, Daddy. Fix Uncle Jim.”

“Fix him,” he laughs shakily, stroking her head. This isn’t something that one can just fix. “Your Uncle Jim is sometimes...complicated.”

And does he ever love him for it.

“But you can, Daddy. You can fix him,” she whispers, her words warming his heart. “Like you always do.”

“If I knew what was bothering him maybe I could,” he says helplessly. “The thing is, Jojo, I don’t know exactly what is going through his mind, right now.”

She looks up at him, trust reflecting from her eyes. “But I do, Dad. I know.”

 

oOo

 

Jim reaches the rental hovercraft in the driveway right as Matthew passes him by, whistling.

Jim does a double take. It looks like the man is leaving, and in a hurry, too. Odd, since it’s Christmas Eve, and all of the people that he loves is in that house behind them. What store would possibly be open at this hour? Where would he even have to go at this hour?

“Going somewhere, Jim?” Matthew asks, looking up at him as he stands by the driver’s side of his own craft.

“Uh,” he hesitates, hates the fact that there is a lumpy bag slung over his shoulder that does make him look like a grinch, if not _the_ Grinch, after all. “Well, no.”

Matthew cocks his head.

“I, uh...was just putting this in the trunk.” He goes to the back of the craft. He opens it, drops the bag in and smiles as the truck closes. “There. Done.”

“Well, do you mind telling Leonard that we’ll open one gift tonight?” Matthew asks, smiling at Jim. “It’s a tradition. Saw you had a gift under there. For Leonard?”

 _Oh shit._ “Uh...well. Maybe,” he says, taking a breath. “I might not participate.”

Matthew’s eyebrows raise. “Might not participate? That’s not like you, Jim. It’s like a g-— He clamps his mouth shut, shakes his head. “Never mind.”

Jim frowns. “No. Wait. What were you going to say?”

Matthew gets in his car, rolls his window down. “Just tell Leonard. Also, remind Jocelyn I’ll be back soon. This errand shouldn’t take too long, if all goes as planned.”

Jim can’t keep up with him. “Where are you going, again?”

The other man shrugs, hand casually resting on the driver’s wheel. “Oh, nowhere in particular.”

“But it’s Christmas Eve.”

Matthew’s eyes crinkle at the corners. “Exactly. It’s just something I need to do for a friend.”

He looks doubtfully at him. “A friend.”

Matthew’s grin widens. “Two of them, actually. Spreading Christmas cheer, you know. See ya around, Jim.”

He backs up without another word, and heads down the road. The lampposts give off just enough light for him to see Matthew’s shadow in the craft. Jim walks to the end of the driveway, watching the craft until it disappears into the thickening darkness of the night.

Jim sighs, and shifts his weight from one foot to the other, wondering if he can leave like Matthew did. Or take a walk. Anything instead of going back in and disappointing Jojo—and Bones—and himself—all over again. At least until he worked things out in his head again. Alone.

“Aw, fuck it,” he complains, spinning on his heel.

Shoulders hunched, he walks towards the house, reluctant to go in. This is not the holiday that he’d wished for. What the hell happened? How can he captain a fucking starship, but not lead in matters of the heart? Why can’t he just ask Bones to marry him? Is he this screwed up in his mi—

“There you are.”

Jim jerks his head up. “Bones?”

It’s his voice, but he can’t see him. Anywhere.

He pivots on his heel for a second time, scanning the porch, the bushes, everything. Still no sign of him.

“Jim.”

He shivers, shadows moving in the window. “This is a bit creepy, you know. Where are you?’

“Sorry,” Bones says, tone hushed. “Wasn’t trying to scare you.”

The voice comes from his left. Jim steps hesitantly towards the figure appearing out of nowhere from a corner of Jocelyn’s house.

Jim’s brows furrow as his CMO steps into the light, carrying a bunch of flowers. Nora’s prized flowers, to be exact. Jim has always admired him, even mentioned that if they’re ever on Earth for an extended period of time, such as years, that he wanted to grow his own.

“Here,” Bones says softly, holding out the bouquet. “This is for you.”

He breathes in the scent of Bones, Georgia, and prized flowers, all in one—and steps forward to take them. The light of the house gathers around them as they meet, cascading on the doctor’s face and emphasizing the strong lines of his jaw.

“Thanks,” he says with a short laugh. “So that’s why you’re sneaking around the corner at this hour?”

“I’d do anything for you, you know that, Jim,” Bones whispers. He kisses Jim, embraces him, taking the time and care to move Jim’s hand, the one that’s holding the flowers, before he crushes them. “Anything, even smuggle my mama’s flowers, her roses, here, just for you. _Anything_.”

“I know,” he says, but nervously.

Bones laughs, a throaty growl. “You, James T. Kirk, have nothin’ to worry about. Not when I’m around.”

The huskiness in his voice makes him weak in the knees, makes his member hard. He clings to him, barely resisting the urge to rub against him. Yes, he’d snuck on the roof, but this is the front yard and Jocelyn does have neighbors. “I miss you.”

The words are out before he can stop them.

“I’ve never left,” Bones says gently, pressing another tender kiss to his lips. “I know there’s a lot going on, with Donna, and other things, and that’s why we’re going to take a little trip tonight.”

“Tonight?”

“Yes. Just me...and you, Jim.”

Bones takes him by the hand, leading him to his craft.

“Bu—-”

“No buts,” he counters. “Not tonight.”

Wanting only to be with the man he loves, with Bones, he allows himself to be led to the hovercraft. The passenger door slides opens. Bones bows, and with a sweep of his hand, says, “After you.”

Jim lightly laughs. He sees now, in the haze of lamplight above them, and as he looks Bones up and down, that he is wearing...a suit?

“I think I’m a bit underdressed for the occasion,” he says, amused.

Right then and there, he swears that Bones, somehow, gains the appearance of a scoundrel, complete with a devilish gleam in his eye.

“And I’d say _you’re_ _over_ dressed,” Bones says huskily, drawl low, thick and beckoning. “And before I rectify the problem right here and now—”

Jim shivers in delight, imagining Bones doing just that.

“—you should consider,” Bones pauses, and arches a smug brow, “getting in the craft, Jim. It's the only way we’ll get from here...to there.”

Jim, focused on the sexy swagger of his brow, doesn’t quite register the request. At least, his brain doesn’t. “What?”

Bones’s stare intensifies. “Get in.”

“Right,” Jim says, swallowing with difficulty. He gets the feeling that Bones won’t take no for an answer. In fact, that if he said no, that he’d haul him over his shoulder and make him get in.

Jim wonders, absently, if he should say no. Just to see what he would do.

Bones taps his fingers on the craft. “Jim?”

His neck heats. “It would probably be for the best,” he says, his voice cracking embarrassingly at the end.

Bones narrows his eyes. “Probably.”

Jim heads for the passenger side, Bones’s hand brushing his backside along the way. Jim freezes, and sucks in a breath when it turns into more and Bones’s hands are all over his ass.

“You really should get in now, Jim,” Bones orders, his breath hot against his ear. “I have plans which involve you. Don’t keep me waiting, darlin’.”

Jim’s eyes widen— _and he certainly does not squawk_ —as he listens, easing himself into the seat. Wordlessly staring down at him, Bones closes the door, and lingers right outside the window. Jim does all he can to keep his eyes on him, if only to hold his gaze a little longer before he walks away.

“Jesus, Bones,” he whispers to himself, watching as the doctor breaks eye contact and rounds the car outside with a swagger.

The car ride is as tensely silent as it can be for two men who are in love but too stubborn to speak the first word. Or, too caught up in each other to speak at all.

He doesn’t look over at Bones until they’re closer to the city, and not because he’s afraid, or nervous. Quite the contrary. Nor does he stare straight ahead because Bones is too quiet, though he is. He doesn’t look because the sexual tension is so thick between them that he knows, without a doubt, that it won’t take long —or much—for him to orgasm. Not with Bones’s hand on his thigh, riding awfully close to his crotch. Or when, in small, deft moves, Bones’s hand slides upwards to unzip Jim’s pants. Then higher yet, his waistband. And, finally, to slip inside, and give him the skin-to-skin contact that he craves.

Only then for him to remove his hand and repeat the process in reverse.

The loss is as unpredictable as Bones’s warm hand against his skin. His pants tighten, unbearably, just thinking about Bones teasing him again. God, he can’t breathe—can’t _move_ —without wanting to rid himself of his pants and throw himself at Bones.

He feels feverish and anxious. For Bones. What the hell is he _doing_ to him? The aloof, mysterious, commanding lover is one of his kinks, dammit. Bones _knows_ this.

“What is this about?” he blurts, shaking the thoughts away before they, too, make an impression upon him.

“Oh, you’ll see,” Bones says, absently.

“Where are we going?”

“Now, now, Jim,” he murmurs. “You’ll see.”

“God... _Bones_.”

His mouth quirks, barely, at the corners. “That’s my name. I’m hoping you’ll use it later on, James Tiberius Kirk.”

Bones sends him a deep look that he feels straight to his toes. Jim groans and closes his eyes, shivering once as he shifts in his seat to find a spot that gives him room to breathe.

“Something the matter, Jim?” Bones asks amusedly.

“You know it.” Jim bites his tongue from saying anything else that could possibly delay what he hopes is to come.

Bones chuckles.

Dammit. Bones is acting like the aloof, mysterious lover that he wants. Worse, Bones knows he is.

He wants to complain about the lack of information, but rests his head on the back of the seat, turned to watch him as he drives, instead. He decides, very quickly, that he can stare at him all day, just like this. At the calm look in his eye, the easy sway of his shoulders, the softness appearing around his mouth.

Bones clearly is relaxed, more than he is at the moment.

Far, far more.

 _Dammit_.

 

oOo

 

Leonard turns into the parking lot of the ice skating rink, enjoying every second of the surprise registering on Jim’s face.

“They’re open?” Jim asks.

“For us,” he answers causally, turning off the craft. “Yes.”

Before Jim can ask what he means, he’s out of his seat, and making his way to the other side of the craft. He’s determined to do this right, starting with taking the bull by the horns. Or, if one prefers to think of it his way, the driver’s wheel.

Jim’s door slides open. Jim steps out, licking his lips. A nervous gesture that Leonard can see a mile away. He’d seen this one a mile away, too.

“But...skating, Bones,” he says, scratching the tip of his nose. “You hate it.”

“I like doing anything with you,” he assures him.

Jim shakes his head. “I don’t know, Bones. You didn’t like jumping off the cliff with me that one time, or chasing after those gigantic spider-squid thingies with tentacles the size of mammoth tusks, or swimming in the eel-infested waters that turned our skin pink for a day.”

He fights the roll of his eyes to keep within his ‘persona’ for the evening. “It was a week, Jim, not a day. And I like doing things with you...within reason, Jim.”

“No, really,” Jim insists. “You hate ice skating.”

“I’ll love it,” he assures him quietly. “Because you love it.”

Jim smiles dreamily up at the ice-skating rink sign, as if he hadn’t heard him. “Yeah, even if I do happen to fall on my ass. I do love it. It’s fun. Reminds me of when Sam was home, and actually cared.”

“He’s home again and cares now,” he reminds him.

A strange look crosses over Jim’s face. “Huh. Guess you’re right about that.”

“Come,” he says.

He’s amused when Jim huffs a breath and runs to catch up to him. Knowing Jim won’t make the move now that he’s supposedly playing this role, he takes Jim’s hand and entwines their fingers. He loves it when Jim’s hands are as warm as his, just like they are now. When they reach the doors, Matthew is already there.

Jim’s mouth drops open. “How did...you…he...?”

“Matthew, it so happens, is not merely a bookstore owner. He owns this place, and a few others, but it’s a secret. A big secret, Jim. Not even my Mama knows,” Leonard murmurs. “Be polite.”

Jim clamps his mouth shut.

“Good evening, Leonard, Jim,” Matthew says in a professional tone as they walk in. “Everything is in working order. Even the replicators, in case you want a late night snack.”

Leonard extends his hand, smothering a smile. There is more than replicators in working order, not that he will tell Jim. “I don’t know how to thank you.”

Matthew shakes it, a grin rising on his face. “Come back to the house, before midnight. Joanna will want to see you two before she goes bed.”

“We’re planning on it,” he assures him.

“You’re the only ones here, so far, except for Trent. If you need anything, he’s the guy to ask.”

Matthew winks. “Enjoy.”

Jim, of course, instantly turns to Leonard once Matthew is gone in the other direction. “What does he mean...so far?”

As if he would tell him and spoil it all. “Guess we'll find out soon, won't we?”

Jim's eyes narrow. “You're enjoying this way too much, aren't you?”

He puts his arm around his shoulders as they approach the rink. “Darlin’, you have no idea.”

Jim, for once, is speechless “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t need to say anything.”

Jim shivers once they reach the rink. “We need skates.”

“You need a sweater,” he says evenly. “We have lockers.”

He leaves Jim standing there, but looks over his shoulder. The younger man is staring at him, not at his head, but his backside.

He bites his tongue to keep from laughing. “Jim, coming?”

Jim scrunches his face, pulls his eyes upwards. “Where are you going?”

“Lockers, Jim.”

Jim blinks. “Right.”

For the second time, he hurries to catch up to him, but Leonard slows down. It won’t do to exhaust him before the night is even started.

Leonard finds their lockers, two side-by-side, and keys the entries Matthew had messaged him earlier.

“I can’t believe Matthew owns this,” Jim says, looking around. “And we didn’t know.”

Leonard finds the sweater first and gives it to Jim. He pulls it on, expression softening. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” He finds the skates and hands one pair to Jim. “I am just as surprised as you are.”

They walk, Jim noticeably more relaxed than he had been at Jocelyn’s house.

“Ha,” Jim laughs as he sits down on a nearby bench, next to the rink. “I’m not sure I believe that. You seem to know...a lot.”

Jim puts on his skates. Leonard doesn’t.

With a smile, Jim stands. “It’s been awhile since I skated, Bones—” He stops and looks at him with a frown. “Why aren’t you wearing your skates?”

Leonard sets his pair of skates down on the ground, and leans his arms atop the short wall surrounding the ice. “Because, Jim, I’m going to stand here and watch you for awhile, first.”

“Watch me? That’s all?”

“You bet your ass that’s all I’m going to do.”

Jim gazes at him, saying nothing for a moment. “Damn, that’s hot,” he whispers.

Leonard smirks and waves his hand. “Go on. Skate. Be my entertainment.”

Jim grins, but a blush is unmistakable. “I don’t have to be asked twice.”

If there is one thing Leonard knows about Jim, it’s that he loves to be the center of attention—when it’s just them.

As Jim begins to skate, cautiously as if to check his balance, he checks his comm. Pleased at the messages he has, he smiles to himself and watches Jim, as he promised he’d do. Jim is as agile as ever, looking like he’d been born on the ice. He chuckles and shakes his head. Iowa is a bad memory for Jim, but it had given him more than just the drive to leave the place. Jim and Sam had spent hours skating at the pond on his family’s farm in winter. It’s no wonder that Jim is a natural.

After a few more minutes, when Jim is in his own world, and no longer glancing at Leonard to see if he’s watching, he pulls on his own skates.

 

oOo

 

Their hands clasped and skating side-by-side, Jim notices right away that Bones is much lighter on his feet in skates than he’s ever been. “Is there something you're needing to tell me?”

The air whips his face as Bones propels them forward, faster. “Maybe.”

“I don’t know when you found time to practice on the ship or even—”

Bones suddenly swings ahead of Jim, in a U-turn, and makes them come to a stop. Jim hits Bones’s chest forcefully, and Bones’s arms wrap firmly around him. “Oof,” he huffs. “What was—”

Bones places two fingers gently on his mouth. “Shh.”

“But—”

“No, just listen,” Bones says softly, now skating backwards, tugging on Jim’s hand at the same time. “And follow me.”

Jim’s jaw drops.

Bones’s eyes darken. “Put your other hand on my shoulder.”

Too stunned, Jim silently obeys, their movements syncopated and smooth from the start. Bones skates backwards, graceful and confident, all the things Jim had believed not to be true about his skating, and before he can even think about what is happening, they’re dancing.

Jim lets out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “Oh, my God,” he says, laughter bubbling up. “I’ve never. Bones...what…you’ve always acted like you _hated_ skating.”

“Sometimes, for all of your observation skills, Captain Kirk,” Bones drawls, mischief in his eyes, “you only see what you want to see.”

Jim smirks. “What else do you have to surprise me with?”

“Like I’d tell you and spoil the surprise.”

“Well,” Jim stares into his eyes, unaware that he is falling, also, right into Bones’s trap. “I guess I have all the time in the world to figure that out.”

“Speaking of that,” Bones asks softly. “Why don't you tell me what upset you earlier?”

Jim stumbles, but Bones’s quick reflexes stop them both from falling over. After another second, they’re dancing again, as smoothly as before.

Bones’s grip tightens around his waist. “All right?”

“Yeah,” Jim says, exhaling a slow breath. “I...hate that we have to leave in just a few months.”

Bones’s knowing eyes probe his. “But that’s not it, is it?”

“How do you do it?” he whispers breathlessly, leaning towards the center of the rink as they approach the curve.

“Do what?”

“Be a father,” he says, laugh shaking.

“I take it a day at time, Jim,” Bones says. “I’ve never been a dad to a teenager, before, the same as you. I make mistakes, but I love Jojo.”

They straighten, having passed the curve.

He waits a moment, not really sure how honest he should be. If he’s too honest, Bones might leave him here on the ice and head back. “But, you’re so good at it.” And he, so awful and he is only her adopted uncle.

“I do what I can, as my job allows it,” Bones explains, “and Jocelyn and Joanna understand where my skills are needed.”

Jim grows quiet and looks down at their feet. Do Jocelyn and Jojo blame him for taking Bones away? Even if they don’t, how is he ever going to get over the stark fact that if it weren’t for him, Bones would still be on Earth and not thousands of kilometers away, for years at a time?

Bones slows them down so it’s as if they’re barely moving, just coasting. “Hey,” he murmurs, lifting Jim’s chin gently with his fingers. “If you’re thinking of our earlier conversation, about children someday, when we’re married, I have no doubt that you’re up for the challenge of fatherhood.”

Jim’s heart begins a steady thumping, one so loud in his ears that he’s certain Bones can hear it. “My childhood sucked, Bones. I was a devious son of a bitch as a teen. I have a damn record. I’ve been in prison.”

“I know,” Bones says softly, stopping them completely in the center of the rink. “And you joined Starfleet. Saved Earth who knows how many times. Saved your friends.” He hesitates, and swallows. “Saved me,” he adds thickly. “Who knows if I would’ve lasted at the Academy without you.”

“You would've survived.”

Bones shakes his head. “Not too sure I would've. Not without you.”

Tears prick the back of Jim’s eyes. “It takes a lot more than that to change a man.”

Bones’s eyes probe deep. “Maybe I don’t want you to change as much as I think you expect me to want you to change.”

He sucks in a breath.

“Maybe what I see in you, right now, is so valuable to me, that I can’t see myself living without you.” Bones’s mouth curves upwards. “Ever.”

“Bones,” he whispers, unable to catch his breath at where this conversation appears to be heading. “I don't...I don't want to hurt Jojo. With my past, my present, or anything future me will do.”

“I know you don’t. I know you’re concerned, and that’s why I know for a fact, Jim, that you’ll do all that you can to be a father to Jojo. To be a father to another child, if that’s the case.”

He shakes his head. “And if I mess it up?”

“I make mistakes. You’ve seen me mess up.” Bones pauses. “But so does Joce, and Matthew, and every other parent who has ever lived. Some...just make more mistakes than others. I don’t think you’re going to be classified with the latter.”

Jim nods, unsure how to respond. Illogically unsure if what Bones says about him is even true.

“Do you want to take a chance?” Bones whispers. He rests his forehead against Jim’s, and tenderly strokes Jim’s cheek. “With me?”

“I…” He swallows the lump lodged in his throat.

He wants to say—needs to say—the most difficult thing he’s ever said to Bones yet. A tear slips down his cheek, a sadness filling him that he can’t help but want to head for space at least one more time. It’s like a compulsion to him, a selfish but innate longing that can’t be fulfilled unless he’s out there. And if he were here, on solid ground, he knows a part of him would die each day. He doesn’t know how he knows this, except he’s always been aware of his connection to space, to what is beyond this planet. He’d be of no use to Bones, sooner or later succumbing to a strange grieving in his heart.

“Whatever it is you have to say to me, you can say,” Bones assures quietly. “You’re safe with me, Jim.”

He sighs, slowly releasing his breath, his selfish words, at the same time. “I can’t stay on Earth. Not yet.”

“I know,” Bones says simply. “So do they. So do millions of other families, whose loved ones are working for the good of the Federation.”

He closes his eyes, forcing the remainder of his tears back. “And you?”

“I won’t survive without ya, Jim,” Bones says. “You’re not going anywhere without me.”

“It’s not that simple, Bones,” he whispers. “It’s not.”

Bones lets go of Jim slowly, unspoken words passing between them, although Jim isn’t sure what those words actually are.

Bones looks at him one last time before getting on one knee, on the cold ice, before him.

“Oh, Bones,” Jim whispers. The traitorous tears return as Bones gazes up at him, affection as clear as day in his eyes.

“Did you really think I was going to let you do this without me?” Bones drawls lightly.

Jim sucks in a breath. Had he known? “Well…”

Bones gives a short laugh. “It’s a rhetorical question, Jim. There was no chance I’d let you do this without me.”

Jim wipes his eyes. “Bones—”

“Just listen to me, Jim,” Bones interrupts.

Jim drops his hand. He swallows hard. “Okay.”

“I understand how you feel, that we have to talk more about this. But I want you know, Jim, that I’ll do all that I can to make this work, to calm your fears, to be by your side, because…” He gazes up at him. Expression tender, he holds up a small box in the palm of his hand for him to take. “I love you.”

Hands shaking, Jim takes the box. It’s wrapped perfectly, with a bow. He unties it, letting it drop to the ground as he unwraps the paper. He lifts the lid. Instead of the ring he'd expected, he sees a compass.

His dad’s compass.

He pulls his eyes from the compass to stare down at Bones. “I don’t understand? This is...this is Sam’s, now.” He looks at his dad’s prized possession again, a myriad of feelings stirring. “Not mine.”

“Sam wants you to have it. So do I.”

“But, why?” he breathes out.

Bones gives him a small smile, one adorned with his own tears. “You’re my North Star, Jim. I need no one else to guide me.”

He chokes on a small cry. No one—absolutely no one—has ever needed him, loved him, cared for him, or _wanted_ him as much as Bones.

Nor have they ever said so, to him, so tenderly.

“Bones,” he says hoarsely, knuckles whitening around the box. “Thank you.”

Bones smiles. “We’re not done.”

“No?” he laughs shakily.

“No.” Bones takes a breath. “You know that there’s more to this compass, Jim.” He gives him a meaningful look.

Jim firms his mouth, and automatically finds the trigger on the bottom, with his pinky finger, like he had many time before after stealing into his brother’s room as a young boy. He presses down on it, and the hidden drawer his brother had shown him over two decades ago springs out.

His breath catches. A simple but perfect gold band lays there, with an inscription, nestled in tiny, white paper shavings.

He will never forget what happens next, when he stares in disbelief at Bones, whose eyes are wet and bright and full of love—for him. That he even trusts him enough to let him become Jojo’s father, too.

“James Tiberius Kirk,” Bones says, earnestly. “Will you marry me?”

 

oOo

 

Joanna burrows down into the covers, unable to fall asleep.

Daddy Matthew had just come in to tuck her into bed like he always does, her mother, too. They’d told her that Daddy and Uncle Jim would be returning home, soon. That some of Uncle Jim’s crew showed up at the ice-skating rink, as well as his brother and mother, and their time together there took longer than expected.

Maybe a lot longer. It is now past midnight. She thinks she knows what happened at the rink, but she has to wait until they come to see the ring on Uncle Jim’s finger.

Tomorrow, maybe, she’ll see the one on her father’s.

“Jojo?” A voice whispers in the dark.

She tamps down the urge to shoot up out of bed and run to her father. Full of happiness, she silently waits.

“I think she’s asleep.”

Jim laughs. It’s low and pleasant, warming her insides. “No, I bet our girl is merely playing possum. Like she used to do.”

“Am not,” she whispers, smiling to herself.

“See?” Jim says proudly to her dad. “I knew it.”

Her dad hums, from his spot at the side of her bed. “Don't you know, darlin’, that Santa won’t come until you’re sleepin’?”

She turns on her back and stares up at him. “I’m not that little anymore, Dad.”

Her father brushes her hair off of her forehead, his smile proud. “Oh, I know. I was just teasing.”

She can’t help herself and peers at Uncle Jim’s hand through the darkness.

The ring glints, majestically, as Jim comes to stand beside her father. She takes in an excited, sharp breath.

Her father had done it.

“Oh, Uncle Jim!” she squeals, throwing the covers off. She falls into his arms, and he lifts her up, as if she were two, not twelve.

In that moment, it’s all she can do not to squeeze his neck with all her might.

“Not Uncle Jim, for long, darlin’,” her dad whispers, kissing her cheek.

“When will you get married?” she asks, when her new Daddy Jim sets her back on the bed.

“In two months.” Daddy smiles, so brilliantly, it’s practically a light in the room.

“Two? How about one?” Daddy Jim challenges.

She laughs, happily, and pulls her knees up to her chest. But remembering what she’d told Daddy Jim earlier today, she looks sheepishly at him. “I’m sorry, Daddy Jim.”

Jim sucks in a breath, exchanges a glance with Daddy. “Yeah, Jojo? For what?”

She feels small inside that she’d been mean, calling him the Grinch, when she’d really hadn’t meant to be mean at all. She’d wanted _this_. “About calling you names.”

Daddy Jim eases onto the edge of the bed. “Oh, so now I’m Rudolph?” he teases.

She blinks, then bursts into a fit of laughter, Jim quickly following suit.

Her father, chuckling, leans over and kisses Jim on the cheek. “Not a chance,” Daddy announces. He takes them in his arms, embracing them both with the love she knows is now at its fullest. “You’re ours, Jim. Plain and simple.” He laughs into their necks, but she’s certain she hears ‘happy tears’ in his voice. “Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to all of you who've read and commented. I've appreciated your feedback more than you'll ever know! Also your patience in reading and waiting. I had no idea that what I expected to be a 5-6k word story would end up being 30k! So is the story of my life! LOL!
> 
> I hope you truly enjoyed the story. :) Happy holidays - be responsible and safe out there this weekend!


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